


On the Origins

by spontaneite



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fusion, Fusion and other core abilities from an evolutionary perspective, Gem Rebellion, Gems as adaptive organisms, Homeworld is Horrible, Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond, Worldbuilding, characters dealing with their issues, informed by canon up to S05E25, what if gems evolved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-11 05:03:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12928056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spontaneite/pseuds/spontaneite
Summary: Before the Diamonds, and before the Kindergartens, Gems had to come from somewhere. This turns out to be far more relevant to Stevonnie's existence, and Steven and Connie's lives, than they ever would have anticipated. Now capable of fusion, Steven joins the Crystal Gems in scraping for the remnants of Gemkind's long-forgotten heritage, and unlocking the mysteries his mother left behind.(Generations of modification and totalitarian control have stripped away culture, strength, and many intrinsic abilities from Gemkind - but in spite of it all, fusion remains.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a pretty long story covering and diverging from canon events. It also involves a version of the Pink Diamond Theory which is, as of S05x10, still completely possible and even plausible.
> 
> Edit: as of Season 5's later revelations and events, my theory was correct on the most important front and partially correct on the particulars, so I'm pleased with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 spoilers: Season 1, Season 2-1

“- _Now, go have fun!”_

Amethyst whooped as Stevonnie charged out of the house and down the beach, kicking up sand in their wake. Garnet’s expression remained absolutely thrilled as she watched them go, practically radiating excitement at the receding presence of the unprecedented fusion.

Pearl waited a few moments, then cleared her throat. “Was that…wise?” She inquired, unable to keep the anxiety wholly out of her voice.

Amethyst blinked at her as Garnet turned, unruffled by the question. She expelled a deep sigh of satisfaction as she approached the other Gem. “They’ll be fine.” She said, confident, smile widening again at some thought or vision concealed behind the visor.

“Yeah, they seemed super stable.” Amethyst commented, gesturing with a thumb in the direction of Stevonnie’s exit. “A pretty great first try, right? They didn’t even have any extra arms!”

“Yes.” Garnet agreed, practically vibrating with glee. “It’s extraordinary. I’ve almost never seen such a perfect fusion.”

“That’s precisely _why_ I’m worried.” Pearl interjected, a little ire slipping into her tone.

There was a pause. Garnet’s smile slipped a little.

“What, you’re worried _because_ they’re really stab-“ Amethyst’s voice began incredulously, then stopped. Her eyes widened. “…. _Oh,_ right. Yeah, gotcha.”

Garnet went still and quiet for a moment, then just as suddenly reanimated. “It won’t be a problem. This time, at least.” She said, tapping her visor above the third eye.

Pearl relaxed a little at that, then sighed. “We always thought his first fusion would be with one of _us._ ” She fretted, raising a hand to her face. “We can _control_ it. I _never_ expected he’d be able to fuse with a _human._ She doesn’t even have a gem!”

“Yeah, but that’s exactly why Stevonnie doesn’t have to worry, right?” Amethyst pointed out. “It takes two Gems to tango, am I right?” She elbowed Pearl in the side, grinning.

“That idiom does not apply here.” Pearl said, sternly. “And besides, we thought _fusion_ required at least two Gems, but for Steven that was apparently incorrect! The…well, it _could_ be an issue for them.”

Garnet produced a long ‘hmm’. “That’s true.”

“What about Connie’s…well. You know. The human way?” Amethyst made a rude noise at Pearl’s incredulous stare. “What? I know it’s a bit out there, but…” She shrugged. “So is a half-Gem. So is a Gem fusing with a human.”

Pearl winced, and turned to stare at the resident seer. “…Can you see any issues there?”

Garnet was silent for several seconds. “…No.” She said, finally. “That doesn’t seem to be a problem, at least.”

“Thank goodness for that.” Pearl sighed. “Still. We’ll need to talk to Steven about this.”

“Once he’s managed to fuse with one of us, we can teach him what to do.” Garnet said, decisively. “Until then…”

Pearl eyed her, almost warily. “Should we forbid them from fusing again?” She was well aware of Garnet’s strong views on the matter.

“ _No._ ” She said, predictably, in a very strong voice. “No. It wouldn’t work, anyway. They’re very well-synchronised. It will happen by accident at least once in the next…” She was silent for a moment. “Four months. Sooner, if we talk to him about fusion.” Which, of course, they had to.

“Then we at least need to lay down some ground rules.” Pearl said, utterly unsurprised by the answer. “I suppose that can wait, though.”

Garnet smiled. “For now, Stevonnie is here. They should enjoy their first fusion.” She looked away, smile growing as she watched the possibilities unfold.

Pearl sighed. “I never thought we’d have to give Steven the fusion talk so _soon._ ”

“Heheheh,” Amethyst giggled. “ _The Talk._ ”

She shot the shorter gem a stern glance. “Why precisely is that amusing?”

“When humans tell kids about sex they call it ‘The Talk’, like that, with capital letters.” Amethyst explained. “You’d know this stuff if you watched more TV.”

“…I think I will refrain. At any rate, fusion is a very different matter to _that_.”

“The Talk usually has the kids being told how to do it without accidentally making babies.” Amethyst pointed out. “And also how not to get diseases, how not to get hurt, stuff about trust and consent, yadda yadda-“ She gestured expressively as she trailed off.

Pearl’s features settled into something subtly disgruntled. “…Well. Perhaps there are _some_ similarities.”

“Consent is important.” Was Garnet’s contribution to the matter.

“Sure is.” Amethyst nodded, sprawling out onto the couch. “So, who’s gonna tell him?”

\---

Pearl decided to corner him the next day. Perhaps foreseeing this, when she went to initiate the conversation, Garnet was loitering conspicuously in the kitchen while Steven assembled his lunch.

“Whatcha doing, Garnet?” He chirped at her, eyes curious as he shoved the compilation of bread and preserves into his mouth. Pearl shuddered a little internally at the thought of the _texture_ , and then put it firmly out of mind so that it would cease bothering her. “Aren’t you guys going on a mission today?” He added, around half a mouthful of food.

“Mouth closed when you chew, Steven.” Pearl said automatically, and he turned to blink at her.

“Pearl! I didn’t see you there.” He beamed at the sight of her. Pearl was utterly helpless to stop the internal melting that occurred as a result, which was certainly nothing new. “What’s –“ He looked between her and Garnet, seeming to suddenly notice their proximity and focus. “Um. Is something wrong?”

“Everything’s fine, Steven.” Garnet said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “There’s just something we need to talk to you about.”

Amethyst’s head raised from the couch, where she’d been imbibing the plastic wrapper that had once housed a loaf of bread. “Ooooh, you’re doing that now?” She crowed, sitting up.

Steven’s eyebrows raised at the comment, and he looked between the three of them a little apprehensively. “…Oookay?” He agreed, raising the other half of his sandwich. “I’ll just…finish this.” Pearl looked away with a mild grimace and waited for him to finish, glancing back as Steven started speaking again. “So, what d’you wanna talk about?”

“Fusion.” Garnet said, immediately, and Pearl shot her a look. She’d thought that _she_ would introduce the topic, but she supposed Garnet _was_ more invested in the subject matter…

Steven stared for a moment, then grinned. “What, because of yesterday? It was great! It’s no wonder you all make such a big deal out of it!”

“Yes, Steven.” Pearl said, happy to take the conversational opening. “Fusion is a very ‘big deal’. Now that you’ve fused it’s time we talked to you about a few things, so let’s all sit down, shall we? Amethyst, make room.”

The quartz grumbled at her half-heartedly but obligingly shifted over, leaving room for Steven and Pearl to take a seat. Garnet neglected to make use of the couch and instead crouched down by the table, looking very satisfied.

“You’re totally getting The Talk.” Amethyst informed the young boy to her side, seeming positively gleeful about it. She snickered at the pink that immediately rose on his cheeks, delighted as always by provoking reactions from people.

“The… _Talk_ talk?” Steven questioned, fidgeting. “Uh, that’s okay, my dad already gave me that. You don’t have to.” He looked fully prepared to escape should their intention to repeat the Human ‘Talk’ prove persistent.

“He did?” Amethyst made a face. “Aww. He totally should have invited me. I could have told you tons.” Steven _looked_ at her for that comment, his expression becoming steadily more and more confused as the implications sank in and he opened his mouth to ask-

“ _Be that as it may,_ ” Pearl interjected, before the topic could go too badly off course. “This is the Fusion Talk, not…the other ‘Talk’. Though I’m told there may be some similarities.”

Steven shut his mouth, briefly. “Oh. Um. Okay?” He offered.

“First of all-“ Pearl began, only to be cut off.

“First of all, we are _very_ proud of you, Steven.” Garnet said, leaning forwards in her crouch. “Stevonnie is exceptional. It’s very impressive that you managed a fusion that stable on your first attempt.”

Steven pinked again, though this time for an entirely different reason. A pleased smile overtook his face and he looked out at them with the familiar, unconditional adoration that was so characteristic of him. “Hehe.” He fidgeted his fingers, bashful. “Thanks!”

“Yes, Steven, we’re all very proud of you.” Pearl paused patiently while Amethyst cheered, slapping him on the back and shouting _‘You go, Steven!’_. “That said, there are things about fusion that you should know, now that you can do it.”

“Like what?” He inquired, still alight with simple pleasure at their praise.

“Well, to begin with, we should discuss Stevonnie.” Pearl said, glancing briefly at Garnet. “If you and Connie fuse again in the future – which Garnet thinks you will – there are some ground rules to follow.”

Steven’s smile faded a little. “…Okay?”

“If you fuse accidentally, you shouldn’t keep it up for more than an hour.” Pearl said, decisively, and went on. “Any other time, if you fuse, it should be with a specific purpose in mind. For example, fusing in combat, or to perform a certain task. Under _no_ circumstances should you spend more than an hour fused without there being a clear reason for it.”

He shrank back a little under the force of her emphasis. “But…why, Pearl? Stevonnie had tons of fun yesterday, and we were like that for a while and it wasn’t a problem.” He pointed out.

“That’s because Garnet didn’t foresee any problems.” Pearl sighed, raising a hand to her face. “It’s…well. This isn’t something commonly known by other Gems – it’s mostly something that we discovered here on Earth. But…well, when Gems fuse for long periods of time, there can be…complications.”

“She means Stevonnie could, like, get gem-pre-“

“Amethyst.” Garnet interjected, calmly, before she could finish. The smaller Gem huffed but stopped talking. “Steven. We’ll explain the details to you later. For now, it’s important that you take precautions when you fuse with Connie.” She settled, apparently content with that, though Steven still looked confused and a little miffed.

Pearl glanced at her quizzically. They weren’t going to explain everything now, then? Well…Garnet likely knew best. “Yes, at least until you fuse with one of us.” She agreed. “Or, perhaps, we can find  a way to teach Stevonnie correctly.”

“Why’s that?”

“There are things we know about how to control a fusion, and how to stop…complications.” She explained, delicately. “It’s very difficult to explain, but if you’re fused, all you’ll need to do is think about it and you’ll learn what to do.”

Steven frowned at her. “You keep saying _complications_ and not explaining what those _are._ ”

Pearl looked at Garnet for guidance. The fusion was silent for several moments, then spoke. “We don’t know if it will happen for you, since you are half-human and Connie isn’t a Gem.” She said, placid. “But when different types of Gem fuse, something can happen that…drains a lot of energy, and can have lasting effects. We don’t know how damaging that might be if it happened to you, so it’s best to be careful.”

It was all technically true, if ignoring the specifics. “Exactly right.” Pearl nodded. “It could hurt you and Connie in ways it wouldn’t for full-Gem fusions. You can’t go taking risks with your health.”

Steven squinted a little, but nodded. “It’s safe though, right? To fuse with Connie?”

“If you follow what I’ve told you, it should be fine.” Pearl answered, without complete confidence. Stevonnie was three quarters _human_ , after all. Who knew what might happen? “Repeat it, Steven. I want to be sure you remember.”

“…Uhh.” He rallied admirably. “We should only fuse if we’re going to be doing something with it? And if we fuse by accident we shouldn’t hold it longer than an hour?”

“…That’s essentially correct.” Pearl sighed.

Garnet leaned in. “Now that the safety talk is out of the way.” She said, voice becoming very intent. “It’s time I talk to you about fusion and consent.”

Steven gave her a startled look. “…That sounds kind of familiar from my dad’s talk.” He said, nervously.

“Good. It should.” Garnet nodded, and took a deep breath.

Pearl eyed her and stood up, deeming her role in the conversation complete, and retreated to a slightly less intense distance to hear Garnet start in on the fusion talk. She wasn’t the most talkative Gem under usual circumstances, but fusion-talk was certainly an exception.

“Fusion is very important to Gems, Steven.” She said, seriously. “A good fusion is built on a stable relationship, and _trust._ You have to be very careful to never do anything to betray that trust. You should never persuade someone to fuse if they’re not comfortable with it. You should never fuse under false pretences. Fusion is a _choice,_ and one that everyone in the fusion has to make on their own.”

Pearl listened in to Garnet’s talk for another minute or so, then walked away. She knew from experience that it wouldn’t be finishing any time soon, and discussions of fusion ethics made her feel…well, a little uncomfortable, sometimes, given she occasionally had thoughts quite contrary to ethical practice. She didn’t quite trust herself to uphold the standard of behaviour that Garnet expected, and it was…what was the right word? Disconcerting? Worrying? Troubling? Yes, all of those.

Fusion was…alluring, for a number of reasons, and…if she was honest with herself, Pearl wasn’t certain she should be trusted with it at all.

\---

Amethyst left eventually, too, leaving Steven to listen to Garnet with an increasingly overwhelmed feeling in his gut.

He wasn’t sure he’d _ever_ heard Garnet talk so much at once before. It occurred to him, as she veered off of the morality stuff and into the instability-things that can happen when people are fused, that she seemed _really_ into the talk, too. What she was talking about was really interesting, but there was also kind of a lot of it. “Um.” He spoke up, in a break in Garnet’s sentences. “Shouldn’t Connie be hearing about this stuff, too?” She was _way_ smarter than him, and would probably remember everything better, after all.

Garnet paused, pensive. “…If you think about it next time you’re Stevonnie, you should both remember afterwards.” She said. “Remember how I said that you can share memories when you’re fused?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t happen on its own but you can make it happen if you think?”

“Exactly.” She smiled at him, and he couldn’t help but grin back.

“I thought we weren’t meant to be fusing without, you know, reasons.”

“Information exchange counts as a reason.” Garnet informed him. “Just keep it short, and you’ll be fine.” She reached out and ruffled his hair.

He giggled and looked up at her under her arm. “It’s just, Connie’s a lot smarter than me. She’ll probably remember everything better and have good questions for you, too.”

“Perhaps.” Garnet withdrew her arm. “How about this – next time you see her, if she’s happy to fuse and I’m here, I can say the rest of this to Stevonnie.”

Of course, the very next thing he did was scramble for his phone to text Connie.

\---

It was interesting to feel their mind work, when they were Stevonnie.

“Just remember what Pearl and I spoke to Steven about.” Garnet said, sitting cross-legged on the wooden porch with them. “It’s all there, if you focus.”

They _could_ remember, and that was really neat. Seriously cool. There was a part of them which was more Steven, and that part was placid and knew it all already, but the Connie part was eager and alert at the new knowledge – and Stevonnie as a whole processed the memories with a flood of thoughts and flashes of inspiration that headed in their own direction. It wasn’t the way Connie thought, or the way Steven thought. It was its own thing.

Being a Fusion was strange. Strange and fantastic and very fresh-feeling. They had Steven and Connie, and their lives, but at the same time…it was like being completely new. Like emerging into the world, fully-formed, with knowledge and a sense of self, but…everything was _new._ The way they were thinking, the trend of their thoughts, it was new and amazing and-

“Focus.” Garnet reminded them, but she was smiling.

Stevonnie laughed sheepishly. “Yeah, sorry. It’s just…this is pretty amazing.”

“It is.” She looked quietly, deeply content. “Do you remember what Pearl told Steven?”

“About how we should be careful when we fuse – we should? Why? Oh, yeah, I remember now.” Stevonnie lapsed briefly into Connie-mind mid-sentence, but the knowledge came through readily enough and then they were _them_ again. “So, there’s something that can happen to…drain our energy? If we’re not careful?”

“It’s something that very stable fusions need to be careful about.” Garnet nodded. “You certainly count as that, Stevonnie. If your fusion isn’t directed towards a specific purpose, it could be a problem.”

“And it’s something I – or Steven – could learn to stop? Pearl said he could learn something from fusing with the others.”

“It’s usually controllable, if you know how. But I’m not sure it’s safe for you to learn as Stevonnie, yet. We’ll see.” Garnet looked at them directly. “Do you remember what I talked to Steven about?”

“…Yeah, I...I do.” They stumbled briefly over the pronoun. It felt a little weird to say ‘we’, because Stevonnie felt increasingly like their own person, rather than a sum of parts, but…’I’ felt a bit strange, too. Maybe it was because they were still so new? “About trust, right? And consent in fusing.” It had reminded Steven of the ‘birds and the bees’ talk his dad had given him. Briefly, Stevonnie felt the half-curious and half-mortified state that Steven associated with the memory, and blinked at the partially unfamiliar memory of the talk from a male perspective.

How was it from the ‘female’ perspective, then? Stevonnie shuffled, Steven’s curiosity arising from the whole as that memory arose, too. Connie had received her talk from both parents, and it had been _very_ comprehensive, covering the concept of consent in _considerable_ detail. They’d also been far more straightforward about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than dad – Greg – had been, and the Steven-part was kind of embarrassed at remembering that but anyway-

“Yeah, I remember.” Stevonnie concluded, pushing the jumble of disparate memories away and focusing on the ones Garnet was here to prompt along.

“Fusing with corrupted Gems?” She probed, and that memory came flooding out, too.

“Don’t ever do it.” Stevonnie answered automatically as the recollection arose. “Because they’re not in their right mind, and also you’ll probably catch the corruption.” They squinted. “Uh. I…has that happened before? It sounds like highly specific advice.” There was a brief silence, and they hastily added “You don’t have to answer that, sorry.”

“…Yes, I’ve seen it happen. Very early on, one of us tried to help the corrupted Gems with fusion. It was only her. No one else tried it after that.” Garnet answered, after a pause. Her voice was very sombre.

Stevonnie ducked their head. “Sorry to bring up bad memories.”

Garnet offered a slight smile. “It’s okay. We can at least learn from what happened.” She settled. “Fusion hallucinations?”

Stevonnie blinked but rallied well enough. “That’s what you were talking to Steven about towards the end. Um…something about…if the people going into the fusion have issues?”

“It can be almost anything.” Garnet affirmed. “You are a Fusion. You are not two people, but you have the memories of two different lives, and the mental connections of two people combined. You might be reminded of thoughts or experiences that might trouble you. When you’re in a fusion, allowing these thoughts to get out of check can cause you to lose touch with reality, and then the fusion breaks down.”

“That…kind of happened to us. Me.” Stevonnie admitted, looking down. “When we – I – was at that rave. Connie panicked about dancing in front of other people and it…went out of control.”

“That’s pretty common.” The tall Gem nodded at them. “When you have feelings like that, you can face them together, and keep yourselves together. That’s how you become a truly stable fusion.” She smiled, secretively. “Some Gems I’ve known were always fused, if they could be.”

Something about that sentence prompted a niggling feeling of suspicion in them, but Stevonnie didn’t pursue it. Instead, they laughed. “Fusion is pretty great, but it would be awkward to be fused all the time.” They said, cringing a little at the thought of what mom and dad – Connie’s mom and dad – would say. “I think my – Connie’s – parents would object. I don’t know about dad. Greg.”

“He’s familiar enough with fusion.” Garnet said dismissively. “I doubt he’d have any problems with you fusing from time to time. But you’re right – permanent fusion isn’t something you should be thinking about at this stage in Steven and Connie’s lives. And on that note, you might be reaching the safe limit for your fusion today.”

Stevonnie blinked, startled, and looked down at themself. “I feel fine.” They said, a little confused. “I don’t feel drained or anything. I just feel…” Settled. Like the not-quite seamless parts of themselves were smoothing out into a cohesive, comfortable shape. It was actually a pretty soothing feeling. It felt… _right._

“Yep. That’s how it starts.” Garnet pointed at them. “We’re not in the danger zone yet, but…Much as I hate to say it, it’s time to unfuse.”

“Aww. Okay, I guess.” Reluctantly, Stevonnie reached inwards and unwove their lights.

Steven blinked. Connie blinked. Their hands were still joined from when they’d fused, and both of them looked at each other for a moment, reconciling the strangeness of being two where a minute ago they had been one.

“Hi.” Steven said, a little bashfully.

“Hi.” Connie said back, a smile spreading over her face.

“That feels really weird.” Steven said, first to her and then turning to Garnet. “A minute ago I was Stevonnie and thinking with their brain and now we’re…” Slowly, looking somewhat reluctant, he withdrew his hand.

“…Us.” Connie nodded, fully empathising with the feeling. “I suppose we didn’t think about it much yesterday, since we didn’t unfuse on purpose and we were in the middle of a rave when it happened.”

“Yeah, we had other stuff to think about.” Steven laughed awkwardly.

Garnet observed them with a small smile. “You’ll both remember what you did and thought as Stevonnie.” She said. “You’ll even remember memories from each other that you thought of while you were Stevonnie. Have a think about it for a minute.”

They glanced at each other. “…Well, I remember the talk Pearl and Garnet gave you.” Connie said, her own mind processing it differently to Stevonnie, which was very interesting to notice. “It’s…um.” She pinked a little. “Amethyst was comparing it to…well…” Steven caught the trend of her thought and also reddened.

“And, um, I remember your parents giving you the Talk.” Steven offered tentatively, going even ruddier at the thought. Connie groaned a little and planted her face into her hands.

“I remember _your dad_ giving _you_ the Talk.” She bemoaned.

Garnet nodded approvingly. “You see, even when a fusion isn’t long-term, it’s still very personal.” She pointed out. “When you fuse, you trust each other with your life, your memories – everything that is _you_.”

“That’s kind of…intense.” Connie said, wide-eyed. She exchanged a look with Steven and they both promptly went pink-cheeked again.

“We did it though. And we’re great at it.” He pointed out shyly. Slowly, Connie repositioned her hand to a strategic location on the deck. Similarly slow, Steven took hold of it.

They smiled at each other.

A moment later, Stevonnie was staring out at the world again, wide-eyed and more than slightly astonished. “….Um.” They said, tentatively.

Garnet observed them critically. “…Hmm.” She expressed, raising one hand to her visor. “I feel that this might be happening a lot from now on.”

The post-fusion tingles were coruscating down Stevonnie’s skin, and they wiggled their toes to dispel the last of the feeling. In its wake the fusion started to feel nicely settled again, and Stevonnie relaxed a little into their still-unfamiliar flesh.

“ _Hmmm._ ”

“…It’s really easy to do.” Stevonnie explained, awkwardly. “Now that we’ve done it once, it’s just…effortless.” And it _was._ It felt increasingly seamless, increasingly comfortable…

“Steven and Connie have a good relationship, and their personalities mesh well. On top of that, Steven isn’t experienced with fusion yet. It’s to be expected that this would happen.” Garnet’s tone of voice was quite neutral, but despite that, she sighed a little. “That said, you really need to unfuse, Stevonnie.” She paused. “Right now.”

“Um.” They said, and obeyed.

Steven and Connie looked at each other and laughed nervously.

“This may be…tricky.” Garnet stated. “New rule: when you fuse by accident or without clear purpose, you must unfuse immediately.”

“…Are we doing something wrong?” Steven asked, face falling. Connie clutched his hand tighter and looked up at their fusion instructor uncertainly.

She smiled, and reached out to ruffle his hair. Connie vaguely remembered her doing that to Steven earlier, during the Fusion Talk. “The opposite, Steven.”

“…I don’t understand.” Connie confessed, and to her surprise Garnet briefly rested her large hand on her shoulder before withdrawing.

“Steven. Connie.” The large Gem leaned forwards. “I’ll explain it a little more. There’s a second level to fusion. A stable fusion has a good chance to reach it. And you two aren’t ready for that. It might even hurt you.”

Steven’s eyes lit up. “Do you _transform?_ ” He whispered, delighted, and Connie looked over at him with a smile. His face was clearly alight with the memory of all of the cartoons he’d seen that involved improbable power-up transformations. “Do you get _bigger?_ Ooh, ooh, do you get _more arms?_ ”

“No.” Garnet said plainly.

“Aww.”

“It’s not useful for battle, and doesn’t change your appearance. In fact, it will weaken you for a long time afterwards. And it drains both Gems equally, so there’s no telling what would happen to you and Connie.”

Steven looked very disappointed, but nodded. “Is that why Pearl always says you should only fuse when it’s really important? So you don’t get to the second level by accident?”

“It’s one reason.”

Connie frowned. “Garnet…if the second level just weakens you, what’s the point of it? What’s it _for?_ ”

Garnet looked at them. She looked at them silently for an uncomfortably long time. Finally, she said “I’ll tell you after Steven’s birthday” and would not be budged no matter how they begged and wheedled.

\---

It was sometime later that Steven found out about Garnet’s future vision, after which she felt free to either dispense warnings or be loitering around on days that might be an issue. He and Connie accidentally fused three more times before Steven started to get the hang of how it worked.

It seemed like whenever they both felt a certain way and were also touching it was possible for them to unintentionally fuse. Mostly it was when they were feeling especially happy about things, or the sheer delight at interacting with each other reached a certain threshold. There wasn’t really any stopping those things from happening, given they were really awesome friends, but Steven _did_ begin to consciously register the feeling of a fusion starting to happen.

The start of the process was pretty hard to identify at first, since it felt a lot like the other happy feelings and didn’t stand out too much, but Steven did learn it, just like he’d learned how to bubble properly. By the time the whole mess with the hand-ship came about, Steven had fused five times by accident and had managed to cut off the starts of an accidental fusion twice more. Garnet had been very approving of his progress, because apparently being able to control _when_ you fused made it easier to fuse on purpose.

The whole Homeworld-sending-Gems-thing was a pretty huge mess, though.

Garnet’s talks had sunk in enough that Jasper and Lapis’ coerced fusion made Steven feel very, very uncomfortable. And the fusion itself – it was _so_ messed up that he thought he might end up with nightmares over it. Jasper had pulled Lapis into it and then she’d trapped them there…like a _cage,_ like being locked up in your own flesh, so different from Stevonnie that he could barely reconcile the idea of both things being fusion.

And…Garnet. She was a _Fusion._ She was a Fusion _all the time,_ it was no wonder fusion seemed so important to her. And no wonder she knew things about the weird second-level fusion thing, and…come to think of it, she’d said she’d explain that after his birthday, right? Like she’d been planning to introduce Ruby and Sapphire on his birthday? So… _maybe_ it had been less of an ‘on-your-birthday’ thing than a ‘once you know I’m a Fusion’ thing.

Steven raised his phone and opened his texts, cringing at the reminder of his ill-advised attempt to shut Connie out of his life to protect her. He promptly deleted the ‘I don’t want to be friends’ message out of his phone so he wouldn’t have to look at it again, and then typed out a new text.

 _‘Can we meet up again soon?’_ He toyed with the idea of adding something like _if you’re still sure you want to be involved with this stuff_ , but decided against it. It wasn’t even a couple of hours since Connie had firmly told him that she wanted to be ‘part of his universe’ and she could sometimes get scary when you made her repeat things.

In the end, Connie easily agreed to return the next day, so that was that. Steven sighed, went on with the tremendous amount of clean-up, and then finally went to get some well-earned sleep.

He’d been right: he _did_ have nightmares.

\---

The Gems didn’t really understand dreams, and nightmares fell under that banner. Amethyst slept for fun sometimes, so she got it better than the others, but if her dreams ever turned nasty she could just wake up and hold off on sleeping altogether. None of them could really understand what it was like to _have_ to go through nightmares to get any sleep.

Kind of a lot of messed up stuff had happened to him, and he’d had nightmares about almost all of it at some point. He’d had nightmares about the cat fingers, about he and Connie drowning under the ocean because of his bubble bursting at the wrong time, about Pearl never reforming from her gem, about watching all of his time-travel selves dying…there was a lot of material for his brain to work with. This new stuff with being captured by Homeworld Gems and the Jasper-Lapis fusion, though…that was the worst yet.

Most of Steven’s dreams that night centred around gone-wrong fusion, or watching the Gems get destabilised in front of him. It was uncomfortably clear in his memory – the sight of yellow lines breaking across Garnet’s body, her eyes going wide as she fell, _staring_ at him.

She’d looked so scared.

The fusion dreams were…different, but not really any better. He’d had dreams that Jasper had dragged _him_ into a fusion, that Lapis had been chaining him down in _their_ fusion – dragging him under the sea where he couldn’t breathe – he’d even dreamed about _Connie_ trapping him in _Stevonnie_ , which probably wasn’t even possible, let alone likely. But…nightmares didn’t have to make sense to be scary.

He went about breakfast that morning in a subdued mood, still exhausted and half-caught in the awful scenes from his dreams. He noticed that Garnet was hanging conspicuously around and wondered if that meant anything for his meeting with Connie. “Morning, Garnet.” He said to her, the memory of her body shattered with yellow flashing across his thoughts again. He took in a quick, sharp breath at the image, shoulders hunching inwards.

“Steven.” She said, with that small smile she often reserved for him.

He trembled for a few seconds, and carefully put his breakfast plate down. Then he ran up to her and hugged her tightly around the legs. “I love you Garnet,” he mumbled to her, eyes already beginning to water. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

She kneeled down to fold her arms around him. “I love you too, Steven.” She said, gently hoisting him upwards. Once he reached the appropriate height he promptly adjusted his arms to wrap around her middle. “And I’m very glad you’re okay.”

He sniffled a little and looked up at her. “Ruby and Sapphire, too?” He asked, hopefully.

“They were worried about you too.” Garnet told him, smiling, and held him one-handed while she wiped at the tears that tended to erupt from his eyes at the slightest provocation. “So they’re just as glad that you’re safe.”

“I love you _and_ Ruby _and_ Sapphire.” Steven informed her, beaming, and she chuckled warmly.

“I’ll be here today helping to clean up,” She told him, planting a kiss on his forehead before she put him down. “If you and Connie need to talk to me, I’ll be around.”

He stared up at her quizzically for a few seconds before understanding dawned. “Ohh,” He said. “ _Future vision.”_

Garnet presented him with a thumbs-up. “I’ll see you later, Steven.” She said, and then headed out of the door. Steven fetched his breakfast to watch her through the window, and observed as several large pieces of green space-hand were hoisted across the beach.

“I should really be helping with that.” He mused, and hurried through his breakfast.

He spent the rest of the morning and the early afternoon clearing rubble, though apparently giant space hands were made of really heavy stuff, because he could only lift the small bits. The goal seemed to be to get everything to the side of the temple where it could be salvaged easily – which was what Pearl was working on – but it had kind of smashed all over the place. He’d probably be at it for days, _at least._

Steven was in the middle of digging out a particularly stubborn bit of debris when Connie arrived, heading towards the beach house. He spotted her out of the corner of his eye and blinked. “Hey, Connie!” He called, putting the bit of ship down and cupping his hands around his mouth to project the sound further.

She had just about reached the steps when she stopped, startled, and looked round. A smile lit up her face and she redirected, hurrying over to him. “Steven! I see you’re hard at work.” She said, setting her bag down by a nearby outcropping of rock. “Did you want some help?”

He considered it. “I was gonna have lunch soon, but sure! We can work together for a while first.”

Connie surveyed the sharply-fractured thing that had embedded itself in the sand, her expression calculating. She reached back to tie up her hair and then squared her shoulders. “Let’s do this.” She said, firmly, and then set herself beside him, digging into the sand.

“There’s melted glass in some places, so be careful.” He warned her, pointing to the cloudy glass layer that was around the lower part of the debris, and responsible for a lot of his difficulties excavating it.

Connie prodded at the glass, a little wide-eyed. “…It was hot enough to _melt glass_ when it crashed? That’s _insane._ ”

“Eheheh. That miiight have been the explosion?” Steven laughed, nervously. “Well, we broke out of it as it blew up, but…It’s a good thing I have my bubble, right?” She looked vaguely appalled at the words, and he panicked a little, worried that he’d found a way to freak her out like he’d freaked out his dad.

She didn’t freak out. She just stared for a few seconds, then dashed forwards suddenly to embrace him. It was only for a second, but it was still nice. He seemed to be getting a lot of hugs today. “I keep remembering how dangerous this all was for you, and if it’s this awful for me to think about, it must be _terrible_ for you.” She said, frowning a little as she pulled back. “Are you feeling okay?”

He considered it for a second, fidgeting with his hands. “Okay-ish, I think?” He offered, because he was functioning alright, and wasn’t an emotional wreck, but…he didn’t really feel ‘okay’, either.

She settled her hands on his shoulders and looked at him almost fiercely. “If you want to talk about any of it, I’m here. Okay?” She said it very firmly.

He smiled at her a little shyly. “Yeah. I kind of wanted to talk about some stuff anyway – maybe after lunch?”

“Sure. We can do a bit of work first, though.” She flashed him a quick smile, and then they both returned to the matter at hand: a piece of glass-encrusted hand-ship.

Working together, they got it out of the sand in relatively short order, and carried it to the salvage pile under the temple cliff. Pearl ducked out of the ship’s guts briefly to greet Connie as they dropped off the debris, and then they were off again. It shortly became fairly evident that Steven actually _was_ stronger than a human his size ought to be, because despite being a lot taller than him and arguably more athletic, Connie couldn’t lift as much as he could. It was actually something of a new discovery for him, since he’d always measured himself against the Crystal Gems, who were a _lot_ stronger than typical humans.

They fell into spontaneous song within ten minutes or so, composing ditties about preserves and their most delicious accompaniments. Steven declared his allegiance to jam-on-biscuits while hauling rubble, and between heaving a coil of ripped cables Connie musically extolled the virtues of sandwiches and nut-based spreads.

“I think we can agree/That jam goes perfectly/in a well-made sandwich,” She sang, the ad-libbed words falling more and more into rhythm as the two of them continued with the same repetitive tune. “And it truly becomes great/If you find room on your plate/for some peanut butter.”

“And maybe that’s true/But I’d like to direct you/To _jam-topped pancakes.”_ Steven pointed out happily as he finished up the verse, eyeing up a nearby piece of spaceship with half of his attention.

Connie narrowed her eyes at him, pausing briefly as she arranged the words for her next part. “It’s true that it’s _tricky_ to win/Against the _advantages_ of a blin/But those aren’t any good for _every-day consumption_.“

“What’s a blin?” Steven inquired, breaking off the song. It was sad to see it end, but he was sure they could pick it back up again later, and his curiosity was a potent thing. He could debate about the merits of pancakes as an everyday food next time.

She blinked, caught slightly off-guard as she receded from song-mode. “It’s a kind of pancake. Blin or sometimes blini, it has different names in different places.” She shrugged, smiling. “It rhymed pretty well, so….”

“It truly did.” Steven nodded solemnly. With particularly impressive timing, his stomach chose that moment to growl. “…I think singing about jam is making me hungry.”

“Well, it _is_ past two in the afternoon. You should really have lunch.” Connie pointed out, very reasonably. “I’ll come with you.”

“Maybe share some jam?” He suggested.

“Maybe. But don’t tell my mom.” She made a zipping gesture over her mouth, and he solemnly mimed her.

Sadly, there were no pancakes in the house, and while the ingredients to make them were present, Steven considered that far too much work on a day already so full of labour. As such, Connie constructed him with a sandwich full of jam and peanut butter while he prepared her three jam-topped biscuits, and then they had done proper justice to their ditty from earlier. They naturally sat on the temple hand to eat, because why wouldn’t they? The weather was good and the view was great, and it came with the bonus of warp-based transit. Also the breeze was consistently really nice at those heights.

“So, what was it you wanted to talk about?” Connie asked, once Steven had spent long enough dithering and she’d apparently decided to hurry it along.

“Well, you know how Garnet is a Fusion of Ruby and Sapphire?”

“Yeah, you said.” Connie nodded. “I hope I get to meet them someday.”

“We can always ask, I guess.” He speculated. “I get the impression they don’t unfuse unless it’s serious, though.”

“Kind of the opposite of the others, isn’t it? They all only seem to fuse when it’s really important.”

“Hehe, I think you’re right.”

Connie gestured at him. “Anyway, you were saying?”

“Oh right. Yeah, so apparently Garnet was going to tell me on my birthday. And remember she said she’d tell us about the fusion thing after my birthday too, so maybe-“

“-Maybe they’re related.” Connie realised, face lighting up. “You think she’ll tell us now?”

“Maybe! She told me earlier that she’d be around if we had any questions, so I think so.”

“Should we go ask now, then?” She stood up, abruptly, and offered her hand to him.

He reached out and took it. “Sure!” She pulled him up, and briefly, he felt his gem glimmer with the pink light of a possible fusion – he pushed it back with what was becoming well-practiced ease, but Connie seemed to have seen it anyway.

“We _could_ just go ask her as Stevonnie, you know.” She suggested, a lop-sided smile planting itself on her face. “It would be oddly appropriate. Fusion questions from a Fusion.”

 “…And asking questions totally counts as a reason.” He added, sharing an excited glance with Connie at the idea. They’d not been Stevonnie for more than a few minutes since their last big talk with Garnet, and that was _ages_ ago. But if they had an excuse – reason – to fuse, it was probably fine.

“Let’s do it.” Connie said, determined. Their hands were still joined, so it took almost no effort to let the light out and –

Stevonnie blinked, and carefully straightened. They looked up and grinned at the view of the ocean, spinning around to appreciate the sight of the beach and the town far below the temple. Up this high, the wind was more blustery than they’d ever felt it, fluttering over their skin in a sensation that was half-familiar but also beautifully novel. The wind was a bit inconvenient with how gigantic their hair was, temporarily puffing it into their face and obscuring their vision, but that was easily solved by turning to face into the breeze. Stevonnie promptly discovered that the feeling of wind-in-hair was one of their favourite sensations yet.

“Okay. Focus, I’m here for a reason today.” They told themself, and did a quick once-over of their physical form. There seemed to be no differences from last time, though they _maybe_ felt a little stronger? Maybe they could have a go at beach-cleaning later to see how they measured up against Steven and Connie.

It was interesting to note that their actual physical state seemed highly dependent on how Connie and Steven were feeling, though. Both of them individually had been quite tired, so Stevonnie themself was really feeling the appeal of a hypothetical nap, hopefully nightmare free because there was more than enough of that at night-

“Wait, you – I – had nightmares too?” Stevonnie asked, surprised, as the Steven-part pushed forwards. The Connie-self reciprocated in short order: “I – I mean, of course I did, I was so _worried –_ ugh-“ There were several overlaying recollections, very suddenly. First,  the shadowy dream-images from Connie: shapeless imagined Gems looming over her and Steven, a violent grin that was actually fairly true to how Jasper had looked, a lot more beating than had actually occurred-

 _That’s not how it happened,_ the Steven-self said, and then the true memories were instantly there. Garnet, her body streaked through with the yellow of destabilisation, the terror and the horror on her face as she fell and _Connie didn’t need to see that-_

Steven and Connie split apart, narrowly avoiding the edge of the temple hand as they came to a stop. “Sorry.” Steven said, shamefaced, as he reached forwards to help her up. “I didn’t mean to show you that.”

“…It’s okay, Steven.” Connie said, after a moment, looking between them at their joined hands. “I said I wanted to help you with what’s bothering you, right? This definitely counts.”

“But you’re _already_ having nightmares.” He protested, looking down. “Remembering what happened is just going to make it worse.”

“Maybe.” She admitted, freely. “Stevonnie didn’t see much – but that…that bit with Garnet was really scary. It probably _will_ give me worse nightmares.”

“Then I shouldn’t tell _or_ show you anything else.” Steven concluded, feeling somewhat conflicted about it. It wasn’t fair to make things harder for Connie, but…

“Steven, that’s not what I meant.” She put her other hand on top of his and looked at him with an echo of the determination of yesterday, when she’d _demanded_ to remain a part of his life. “If it does make it worse for me, you can help me deal with it. And _I_ can help _you_ deal with all of this. That’s what friends are for. That’s what _Fusions_ are for! Remember what Garnet said?”

“…Fusions can deal with things together?” He offered, tentatively. His eyes were starting to water again; it _always_ happened when people said meaningful things to him, which would maybe be good if his tears could actually heal things but they _couldn’t-_

“Exactly.” Connie clasped her fingers firmly over his smaller hand, and smiled at him. “Want to try again?”

He sniffled. “…Okay.” He looked up, and it was so _easy_.

Stevonnie wobbled slightly as they appeared, Steven’s tears pooling at the edges of their eyes. They sighed, a little tremulously, and sat down, drying their face on the back of one hand. It was a little strange to come into being overwhelmed by two separate sets of feelings – Connie’s powerful drive to be there for Steven, and Steven’s similarly powerful _relief_ at having someone to talk to. Well, not ‘talk’ exactly, but close enough.

“Fusion is therapy now, I guess.” They let out a long, shaky breath, and ran a hand over their face. “Okay then. Memory lane time.” It was probably a testament to how hard the events were hitting Steven that it was actually very difficult to just sit there and intentionally think about what had happened. Stevonnie was only half-Steven, but it was still…it was just _awful._

They inhaled quietly, and remembered. Remembered the ship hanging in the air, remembered summoning their shield against its assault, remembered Garnet splitting apart and Ruby and Sapphire clattering to the floor – remembered Jasper’s grin before she knocked Steven out. The feeling of the destabiliser field over their skin, Ruby’s desperation, Lapis’ fear…really, the only bright spot in the whole affair had been watching Ruby and Sapphire reunite.

He’d found Amethyst and Pearl, confronted Peridot, braced for landing with Garnet but that hadn’t been the end of it. Jasper and Lapis…

Stevonnie’s breath went ragged at the memory of what those two had created. Not united at all, simply two minds trapped into a single body, a prison of their own making. Was it any wonder that Steven had had nightmares?

They ran over the nightmare-content in their mind, briefly settling on each, and felt the one about themself dispel pretty much immediately. They were here, they were _together_ , they were nothing like that monstrous Fusion. They might be a single person, rather than two standing side-by-side, but…

“We’re not alone.” Stevonnie said, into the wind, and it was true.

They faced into the breeze, letting it lift their hair behind them, and sighed. After a moment, they gathered up Steven and Connie’s shoes and headed for the warp pad.

“Might as well go talk to Garnet now, I guess.”

At that precise moment, Garnet appeared on the warp pad in question, one hand raised to adjust her visor as she inspected them. Stevonnie startled and stepped back, watching with consternation as Garnet took a seat beside the washing machine. “You’re here to ask me about the second level to fusion.” She said.

They stared. “…That future vision must be really handy. Even if it _is_ a bit of a double-edged sword.” Stevonnie remarked, sitting down across from the taller Fusion. They felt a brief rush of weirdness from the Steven-and-Connie selves who were not at all used to being near Garnet’s height. “That’s exactly why I’m here. Connie especially has been thinking about it a lot – it’s a bit strange that you’re all being so secretive about this.”

“It’s…a little awkward. It will make sense once you know.” Garnet informed them.

“Is that something you can see with your future vision too?”

“Yes.”

Stevonnie shuffled, setting the four shoes down to their side and planting their hands into their lap. “So, are you going to tell me?”

Garnet opened her mouth, and with no lead-up whatsoever, told them. “The second level of fusion is how Gems propagate.” She said, very bluntly, and waited.

Stevonnie stared. Steven might not know what ‘propagate’ meant, but Connie certainly did, and so Stevonnie did too. The next second, they began spluttering. “B-but I thought Gems are made in Kindergartens!”

“They are.” Garnet agreed placidly. “But there weren’t always Kindergartens.”

Stevonnie pointed an accusative finger. “You told me – Steven – that Gems are never babies!”

“They aren’t.” Garnet shrugged elegantly. “Fusion propagation only creates seed gems. They’re about this big:” She curled her index finger against her thumb to make a small circle. Stevonnie squinted, estimating that it was maybe a centimetre or two in diameter, so nowhere near the size of most Gems. “Homeworld makes them artificially, and the Kindergarten injectors put them into the ground. You know the rest.”

“…Pearl said this is something the Crystal Gems found out about.” Stevonnie remembered, wide-eyed.

“It seems to be a closely-kept secret.” The Fusion stated, raising up two Gem-bearing palms in a different breed of shrug. “It might even be why there’s a stigma against hybrid Fusions, since only they can propagate.”

“…There’s a stigma against hybrid Fusions?”

“Unfortunately.” The corners of Garnet’s lips turned downwards. “It’s the sort of thing that gets a Gem shattered, on Homeworld. Only Gems of the same type are meant to fuse, and even then only for battle.”

The component-selves in the back of Stevonnie’s mind recoiled at the words. Steven-self thought he’d never heard something so terrible, and suddenly understood Jasper’s words to Garnet a little better. Connie _had_ heard of things so awful, since she hadn’t been raised by aliens and knew what homophobia was, and it seemed pretty similar in concept to _this_. Neither of them were happy about it, and Stevonnie certainly wasn’t an exception. “That’s awful, Garnet.” They said, quietly.

“Well.” The hybrid Fusion in question nodded, shortly. “Homeworld _is_ very awful. We’re off-topic, though.”

Stevonnie reddened as they made the connection. “Oh. Right. So…I can. Um.”

“You’re capable of propagating.” Garnet said, bluntly enough that Stevonnie winced and Steven-and-Connie squirmed in the back of their mind. “I’ve Seen it. And there’s plenty of reasons why you should avoid it.”

“I’m definitely not ready to be a parent.” Stevonnie agreed faintly. “Even if it _would_ emerge from the earth fully-formed.”

Garnet cut her hand sharply through the air. “It wouldn’t even be planted, Stevonnie. Natural gem seeds will hurt the ground just as much as artificial ones – we Crystal Gems have never planted a single one.”

Stevonnie nodded slowly. Then, tentatively, said “So you do have some-“

“I’m not going to talk about that.” Her voice was…unusually flat, and almost harsh. Stevonnie flinched a little on reflex, a part of them utterly stricken at the thought of disappointing or upsetting someone that meant so much to them. “…Ask the others, if you want to know more.” Garnet added a moment later, voice a little softer.

“Okay.” Stevonnie accepted, voice quiet. Obviously, there had to be gem seeds, or there _had_ been. She wouldn’t react like that, otherwise.  “…so, you’ve seen futures where….?”

Garnet readily accepted the topic change, nodding. “I’ve seen plenty of futures where it happens, if you spend too long fused.” She reached out and gingerly tapped on the exposed rose quartz gem on Stevonnie’s belly. “The seed grows from the gem, always. It takes a while, so in most of the futures I’ve seen, Steven spent most of the time growing it on his own…but that means he suffers.”

Stevonnie shivered. “I don’t want that.”

“Neither do I. That’s why you need to be careful, Stevonnie.” Garnet withdrew her hand.

They touched their own fingers to the rose quartz, feeling the smooth faceted surface, and the invisible thrum of the energy within. “…Should we really be fusing at all, if _that_ can happen?” They remembered, abruptly, what Pearl had said about them being ‘inappropriate’. Connie-self briefly flared out of plurality to be mortified by the idea of _what her parents would say._

“It can be controlled, just like accidental fusion can be controlled.” Garnet answered, smiling ever-so-slightly. “It will be hard for you to learn, but I believe you can do it.”

Stevonnie exhaled, troubled and relieved all at once. The risk was a very unpleasant thought, but…Stevonnie _liked_ existing, and Connie and Steven liked being Stevonnie. It was a relief that they wouldn’t have to stop. “Why is it so risky some times and not others? Like now, for example? _Is_ it okay now?”

“There’s no problem now. You’re very focused on this and you don’t feel very comfortable.” Garnet shook her head.

“…So, I need to feel _comfortable?_ ”

“You need to feel comfortable and secure, and be somewhere that feels safe to you.” The presumably well-informed Fusion said, with the weight of authority behind the words. “If you’re stressed, or be having trouble keeping the fusion together, it doesn’t happen. It also doesn’t work if you’re focused on doing something.”

Stevonnie digested that. “So I suppose fusing in a fight isn’t risky at all.” And Opal presumably didn’t have many issues there, since she didn’t seem very good at keeping it together. And, actually, that was a thought: “Can it happen for any Fusions who meet the conditions, or do they have to have…well. Feelings?” Steven and Connie might not be verbally acknowledging it but both of them knew full well that they liked each other, so it was a valid question-

They winced as their components palpably squirmed at the thought, almost bringing the fusion out of synchrony with the flood of self-consciousness and embarrassment and mushy feelings. Stevonnie rolled their eyes and took a moment to feel exasperated about the people that composed them.

Garnet looked quite amused, perhaps aware of the internal workings at play. “The Gems in the fusion need to be close, but they don’t need to be in a relationship.”

“Okay. And how do I learn to…how do I get control?” Stevonnie determinedly moved their attention onwards so that their components would just settle down already, god.

Garnet stared for several seconds. She said “Hmmm.” And then was silent for several seconds more. “Supervised fusion. If I tell you when it’s becoming risky, it seems you might learn to recognise, and eventually prevent, the propagation process.” She paused. “It will take a _lot_ of tries.”

Stevonnie wrung their hands. “Is that okay?” They asked, a little fretfully. “I’ll – Steven will fuse with someone else eventually, right? Should we just wait? If it’s too much trouble, we can just wait.”

A proud smile curved over Garnet’s lips. “Nah.” She answered, reaching out to tuck an unruly strand of hair behind Stevonnie’s ear. “It’s worth it.”

\---

Not long afterwards, Stevonnie rummaged around in Steven’s things and procured a pencil and a piece of paper. Carefully, the motions feeling decidedly odd, they wrote a short note. They admired their handwriting briefly, then unfused.

The first thing Steven and Connie saw as their forms resolved was the note:

_Dear Steven and Connie,_

_This is a physical reminder to not be weird about this whole thing. I know it’s awkward, but everything should be fine if Garnet helps us. I like being me, so…fuse again soon, okay?_

_Love,  
Stevonnie_

“…Stevonnie has nice handwriting.” Steven observed, face pink. “Is it weird that I feel proud of that?”

Connie cleared her throat and giggled. “If so, I guess we’re both weird.” A pause. “Stevonnie totally gets the handwriting from me, though.”

Steven narrowed his eyes at her, and then procured a fresh sheet of paper. He wrote his name in the neatest and most flourish-y way he knew, and then passed it to Connie. _“Prooove it.”_

Connie smiled, took the pencil, and signed her full name. She passed the paper back over. It was…indubitably pretty calligraphy. Very very pretty. Her handwriting didn’t usually look that fancy, but…

Steven inspected the paper. “…Okay, I guess Stevonnie _does_ get it from you.” He admitted.

Her face lit up with triumph. She looked entirely too smug, and after a moment of consideration, he reached forwards and booped her.

At once, he scrambled upwards and down the stairs to the door, shouting “Stevonnie gets the awesome speed from me though I’m faster tag-you’re-It!”

“Hey!” Connie launched herself down the stairs after him, laughing.

Steven sped out of the house and onto the beach, hotly pursued, and together they sprinted madly across the sand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Story title based on ‘On the origin of species’, which is the Darwin evolution book.
> 
> So like, Gemkind had to come from somewhere, right? My two main ideas for this are:  
> 1\. They were created by some entity/civilization that either died off, disappeared, or got killed off (possibly by Gemkind), allowing Gemkind to take charge of their own creation. From this perspective, most of the stuff that doesn’t make sense about Gemkind can just be handwaved as ‘the Creators did it, and then later the Diamonds did stuff too’. I consider this the likeliest explanation for Gemkind in canon.  
> 2\. They evolved somehow, like lowly organic humans, except presumably on a planet that used to be absolutely horrific before they sucked all the life out of it. There’s a number of reasons this would make sense, and also you can handwave most of the inconsistencies with ‘the Diamonds did it’.
> 
> For the purposes of this story, I’m going with hypothesis 2, the evolutionary theory, and that’s where the basic story idea sprouted. The rest can be blamed on fusion feels, wanting the characters to deal with their issues, and my irrepressible addiction to excessive worldbuilding. This will diverge from canon in a variety of ways, but the main plotty stuff is planned for season 4/5ish. 
> 
> Note: what the Crystal Gems ‘know’ about the evolution of Gemkind is mainly speculation based on observed traits of the species, and they do have some things wrong. They have sizeable knowledge gaps. Some of these will be filled during the course of the story. Otherwise I like to speculate so if people have questions about my headcanons, let me know.
> 
> American vs English spelling: I’m attempting to use American terms for things, like biscuit vs scone, as well as some important American spellings, like mom vs mum. I’m not going to do that for everything though – like I’m not going to spell ‘realise’ with a ‘z’. If you notice me using terms like ‘pavement’ or ‘lift’ instead of ‘sidewalk’ or ‘elevator’ feel free to correct me.
> 
> I think that’s everything of importance for now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steven and Connie discuss books, make a new song, and fuse on two separate occasions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Notes: Spoilers for 2x02 and 2x03. Some lines taken from 2x02. Chapter is mostly cute fluff, but there was some unplanned mood whiplash at the end, see warning.  
> Warning for: mention of miscarriage and a concept similar to it.]

“-You make a good point, but don’t you remember how Archimicarus cried in book three?”

Connie fell a step behind, staring quizzically. “…I thought that was because they lost the sword.”

Steven turned back to her. “Nooo.” He gestured expansively to emphasise his point.  “She almost fell into the _volcano –_ he was worried about her.”

“But she had access to frost spells.” She reminded him, moving around to take a seat by the coffee table. Steven moved to join her.

“Yeah, but Archimicarus didn’t know that.” He beamed happily. “Even birds can fall in love!”

Connie’s answering smile suggested a fond kind of exasperation. “I guess you could read it that way.” She conceded, pulling the book in question into her lap. “Maybe I should re-read the series sometime. The ending sort of caught me off-guard – maybe there was some subtext somewhere that warned for it? Or some thinly-veiled references, even. Or even just the stuff with Lisa and Archimicarus.” Her smile turned contemplative. “I think you notice the relationship things more easily than me.”

“Maybe because those’re my favourite parts?” He suggested, leaning forwards to pull the second volume from the table. “I mean, the story is really great too, but I like the character stuff best.”

“I mostly just focus on the plot.” Connie admitted. “And the thematic aspects of the narrative. I’ve read so many books I don’t tend to get that attached to the characters anymore unless the series is especially long. Or emotional, I guess, but I tend to read more plot-heavy things as a rule, so that doesn’t come up very much.”

“It’s funny how two people can read the same book so differently.” Steven mused, considering the book in his hands. He’d liked the third one best, but the first and second were probably on equal ground for him, otherwise…Absently, without really paying attention to his words, he said “I wonder what Stevonnie would think of the ending.” A moment later, his thoughts caught up, and said _wait…_

Steven looked up at Connie. Connie looked back at him. They held eye contact for a few seconds, and Steven was absolutely certain that they were thinking the same thing.

“…That’s a very good question, Steven.” She said, with the expression of a girl with a _plan._ “I think finding out the answer counts as a reason for fusing, don’t you?”

“Uhuh, definitely.” Steven agreed emphatically. Then he hesitated. “We should ask Garnet first, though.” He suggested, face colouring a little. “Just in case.”

Connie grimaced at the reminder. “…Yeah.” She said, and for a moment, the glance they shared was extremely awkward. “I guess we want to make sure, um…”

Steven giggled nervously and stood up. “I’m gonna go find Garnet okay be right back-“ He stumbled over his words _and_ his feet as he went to look outside, where he thought Garnet was still working. The Crystal Gems had gone out searching for Peridot earlier, but hadn’t had any luck, so for now they were cleaning up again.

He found the Fusion in short order, and as he’d expect, she didn’t seem very surprised when he asked her about the Stevonnie forecast for the day.

Garnet nodded at him, and said “Make sure Stevonnie leaves the fanfiction for another time, and it will be fine.” She offered him a smile and a thumbs-up, then hefted a piece of ship three times larger than herself out of the sand. The edges of it glimmered with a layer of cloudy glass as she walked nonchalantly towards the salvage pile.

“Thanks Garnet!” He shouted after her, and then hurried back to the house. Connie was scrutinising her phone with a slightly alarming intensity when he entered, though the noise of the door seemed to draw her attention away. “Hi Connie! Garnet says it’s fine but Stevonnie apparently needs to leave fanfiction for another time.”

Her eyes lit up at the words. “Oh, that’s really interesting! I’ve tried to – well, you know, I’ve told you about this – but maybe Stevonnie will be different?” Connie had indeed told him about her attempts at contributing to the Unfamiliar Familiar fandom, and of writing in general – she enjoyed writing but was almost always far too self-conscious to put it anywhere near the internet.

Steven had tried writing some fanfiction too, once. He knew it hadn’t been very good…but he’d had fun writing it and Connie had seemed to like it, so that was all that mattered to him. Writing was more Connie’s thing, really. “Maybe it’s like the dancing.” He suggested, since that was another thing Connie had felt too worried to do alone.

“Yeah, maybe.” Connie gave her phone another oddly intense glance before slipping it into her pocket. “Should we try, then?” A little hesitantly, she offered her hand.

Steven reached out to it slowly, looking up at her. “Only if you want?” He agreed, a little concerned about the hesitation.

“I do, it’s just. You know.” She shrugged as a light flush dusted over her cheeks. “It’s a little awkward now.”

Steven nodded and cleared his throat. “Someone very wise once reminded us ‘not to be weird about this whole thing’.” He said, very grandly, as though he were the Archmage of the Dark Court – Lisa’s sworn enemy – delivering a decree.

She giggled as he’d hoped she would, and extended her hand more confidently. “Alas, you are correct.” She said. “One does not simply dismiss the edicts of the mighty Stevonnie!”

“One _certainly_ does not.” He nodded seriously, and managed to hold the solemn expression for precisely one second before he started giggling too. Thus it was that when he took Connie’s hand, Stevonnie emerged from their fusion-light snickering at thin air.

They paused for a second, warring with an impulse, and then gave in to it. Stevonnie struck a dramatic pose, one foot atop a stair and one fist raised to the ceiling. “I am the mighty Stevonnie!” They declared, and for theatrical effect, followed it up with “Stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair!”

It occurred to them that it really would have been more appropriate to do that on top of the Hand, where there was dramatic scenery, and the wind might provide a helpful billowing hair effect. That was okay, though. They could shout dramatic literary quotes at the ocean some other time.

“…Yeah, that’s enough of that.” Stevonnie decided, releasing the hammy pose and scooping up Destiny’s End from the couch. They leapt up the stairs several steps at a time and flopped onto Steven’s bed, the squeak of its mattress more loudly pitiful than Steven or Connie were individually accustomed to. Stevonnie noted that the bed felt unexpectedly small, but it was more than enough for their purposes.

First things first: Stevonnie extracted Connie’s phone from their pocket, and tapped at it. The screen turned on, and generally appeared to be in perfect working order. They put it down and extracted Steven’s phone from the same pocket, which also seemed to be precisely as it always was.

The phones, at least, didn’t seem to fuse. Their clothing did, but their shoes didn’t. That was kind of weird, wasn’t it? It wasn’t like the clothes themselves were big enough to fit Stevonnie, so they had to have been scaled up somehow. It was strange that the same thing didn’t happen to their shoes. Did fusion have something against footwear? Stevonnie wiggled their toes thoughtfully, settling into a cross-legged slouch on the bed.

Perhaps they could ask Garnet or Pearl about the clothing stuff later, since going barefoot hadn’t been an issue for them before. Their skin was _hardy_.

Well, anyway. Best return to the matter at hand. Literally. Stevonnie snickered to themself and inspected the book that was still in their right hand. They settled it in their lap, flipping through to the final chapter, and began to read.

It was an…interesting experience. Stevonnie had two sets of memories and reactions to the chapter, and of course knew what was going to happen, but as with everything else they’d done it felt _new._ One might even say that it was a _novel_ experience. Stevonnie giggled and resolved to keep the pun in mind for later.

Possibly the most interesting thing about reading through the final chapters of Destiny’s End was…well, Stevonnie didn’t quite agree with either Connie or Steven’s perspectives on it. Maybe that would change once they’d finished reading it themself? They frowned a little, skim-reading over the cake pages, and immersed themselves in the ultimate chapter. It didn’t take long to read through – Stevonnie’s reading speed proved to be very good – and they closed the book with a thoughtful sigh.

Stevonnie had mixed feelings about the ending. Some parts of their opinion seemed to be a relatively straightforward fusion – the cake, for example, sounded great but probably didn’t need that much description. It was a bit excessive, even if it _was_ pretty. The pages could have been spent on something far more poignant.

Stevonnie did agree with Connie to an extent on how the ending hadn’t really done justice to the story. The big bad might have been defeated, yes, but the wedding didn’t really tie up any loose ends except those of the handfasting cord. It felt sort of like the author had run out of room and had slapped a wedding on it to make it less obvious.

On the other hand, Stevonnie did actually like the wedding. Lisa and Archimicarus had the best relationship of any of the characters – they were closest, and had a really meaningful connection. Stevonnie briefly felt an intense desire to go back and read _all of the books_ but pushed it aside, thinking.

Really, what bothered them was how _trite_ the resolution had been. The pairing – great. No complaints there. The wedding was cute, too. But…finding a spell to turn Archimicarus human? Just like that? It felt like a cop-out, and a poorly-foreshadowed one at that. Swapping species was a big deal! Going from a hollow-boned avian to a heavy meaty human was a big deal! And yet, Archimicarus seemed entirely unbothered in the wedding scene. Where was the inner conflict over the decision to change? Where were the struggles of adapting to a new body, with all the new sensations and experiences therein? Didn’t he _miss_ being a falcon? Flying with his own wings, rather than enchanted objects?

“If I had written this book,” Stevonnie declared to thin air. “I would have made Archimicarus a magical hybrid creature, like the wolf people in book two. That way Lisa wouldn’t have had to deal with the weirdness of marrying a bird, but it would be more equal. Less of a cop-out. They’d both have to compromise. And I would _certainly_ write the struggle of getting used to a new body.” It was, after all, something Stevonnie had first-hand experience with – the new body part, not the used-to-be-a-bird part. Also, as a Fusion themself, the idea of Archimicarus ending up as a human-falcon Fusion-type-thing was far more appealing than either of the other extremes.

For the first time in their existence, Stevonnie felt the creative impulse arise within them. It was part frustration, part excitement, and part weird physiological gut sensation. Ideas streamed through their mind in a disorganised torrent, and they _needed to be written._

“Oh.” They said, disgruntled. “That’s why Garnet said to leave the fanfiction for another time.”

Stevonnie inspected the book, and sighed. They supposed it was time to unfuse. But, first… they extracted Steven’s phone, navigated to the voice recording app, and pressed it on.

Then they began to speak. “Okay, so this is my problem with the ending…”

\---

They both remembered it perfectly, of course. For several minutes after Stevonnie separated, they just sat there, digesting the memory of their Fusion’s thought processes.

“…That’s really weird, but also…pretty cool, I think.” Connie said, eventually.

He blinked at her. “What, Stevonnie’s idea?”

“No! Well, yes. But not just that.” Connie gestured expansively as she spoke. “Stevonnie _had_ those thoughts in the first place! And those opinions! Some of it was just a combination of what we think, yes, but the…the whole ending thing – that’s related to what we thought, but not the same thing at all. It was a completely different idea, a whole new take on things…”

Steven contemplated her words, and nodded. “I…think I get what you’re saying. Stevonnie had a really different way of thinking about the ending, and an original idea like that…so, they’re not _just_ us mashed together, right?”

“Exactly!” Connie agreed, emphatic. “It’s like Garnet said when we fused the first time. Stevonnie isn’t two people in one body! Stevonnie isn’t singular in the same way as you or me, but…they’re an _individual._ ”

He listened, and couldn’t help but smile at it. A small smile, but a heartfelt one. “…Stevonnie is their own person.” He said, softly. “That’s…pretty great, actually.”

Connie blinked, and her posture loosened a bit from her gesticulation stance. “…I guess it is.” She looked slightly overwhelmed. “It’s…pretty amazing, yes. A little scary, though.”

“Why would it be scary?” He frowned at her.

“Because we just…go away, kind of. When we’re Stevonnie we’re not _us_ anymore. That’s a bit frightening.”

Steven curled one hand to his chin, thoughtful. “I guess I see what you mean. I don’t think that’s right, though – we _are_ there. We’re just sort of…in the background, somewhere. Like we’re asleep! And dreaming. And, I guess Stevonnie is the dream. But a real person, at the same time.” He liked that thought.

Connie stared at him for a moment. “That was very poetic, Steven.” She said, sounding quite impressed. “And really nice, too. I think you’re right. Those times when one of us is more… _there_ , during the fusion – I suppose that’s kind of like we wake up a little bit?”

“And maybe if we’re both completely awake the fusion starts falling apart?” He inquired, pleased at her adoption of his sleep metaphor.

“Interesting thought. Maybe Stevonnie only really exists as their own full individual if we’re both ‘asleep’.” She mused, expression turning thoughtful at the words. “Nice analogy.”

He beamed. “Hehe. Thanks!” He looked down at the phone Stevonnie had recorded their voice on, considering the file sitting within. “…Huh.” Steven mumbled, intrigued. It occurred to him that he had never technically heard Stevonnie’s voice before, since his memories of it were through Stevonnie’s own ears, and people always sounded different to themselves anyway. Suddenly overwhelmingly curious, he flicked though his phone and selected the sound file, setting it to play with a press of his thumb. He turned up the volume and held it a little way out.

_“Okay, so this is my problem with the ending: it’s too easy, and too much is glossed over. Swapping species shouldn’t be a side note at the end of the book, and deserved a lot more attention than the cake did. Changing from a bird to a human is a big deal! It should have been a difficult decision, right? They should have at least discussed it, but the only thing they seem to worry about is if it’ll affect the familiar bond….”_

Steven and Connie fell quiet as they listened to their Fusion’s voice, recorded and rendered loyally by the phone. He knew what Stevonnie had said, but it was really different to listen to it as himself. Apparently Connie agreed, because after they’d been listening for a while, she said “that sounds different to how I remember it sounding when we said it.”

“Yeah.” He smiled, suddenly giddy as he listened. “Stevonnie has a really nice voice! They should try singing the next time we fuse.”

“Between re-reading the series and writing fanfiction I think Stevonnie has enough on their plate.” Connie commented, though she was grinning at the recording too.

“Yeah, but when we do fusion practice it’ll be good for Stevonnie to have stuff to do while Garnet watches out. They’d get bored otherwise.”

She looked suddenly mischievous. “Stevonnie isn’t going to run out of stuff to do any time soon, Steven. After all…the book isn’t the only thing that’s a _novel_ experience for them.”

Steven felt slightly envious that she’d used Stevonnie’s pun first, but mostly just reflexively pleased by hearing wordplay-based humour. He and Connie made a low ‘ayyy’ noise at each other in the traditional fashion of pun-appreciators everywhere, and at more or less the same time reached out to fist-bump.

Not much later, Connie realised that between the Rose Room debacle and their Stevonnie-time, she was getting dangerously close to her home-time. As such, they parted ways with promises to meet the day after next, Connie waving to him as she walked down the beach.

\---

Steven’s body, already sore from the consecutive days of lifting, became even more worn over the course of the third day of work…which itself had a very eventful ending, when his night-time trip went sour. He had not expected to nearly die, again, while out with the Cool Kids, but…well, it had been a close one.

He’d never been scared of Garnet before, but that moment in the escape pod, when she couldn’t hear him and had been seconds away from utterly destroying him – well. It…wasn’t pleasant to think about. He also didn’t know what to think about the idea that they’d have done that to _Peridot._ She was an enemy, sure, but he didn’t know that she’d have survived that sort of impact any better than him, unless she was a lot sturdier than the others were. It was…well, it was bothering him kind of a lot, and he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

The beach clean-up finished the next day, mercifully enough, though Pearl would undoubtedly be going through the salvage for a long time. As such, when Connie arrived, they actually had the opportunity for an extended hang-out session with absolutely no rubble clearing involved.

Garnet was busy for now, so fusion practice wasn’t in the cards. He told Connie so, and she shrugged.

“That’s okay.” She said, hefting her violin case along with her bag. “I took my laptop with me in case Stevonnie wanted to write some fanfiction, but it’s not like we need to fuse to have fun. I thought maybe we could go to the Hand and play some music?”

His eyes lit up. “Great idea! We can work on that song from the other day.” He cheered. “Maybe even start making a new one. Maybe even another one about jam!”

“At this rate all of our songs will be about food.” She quipped, heading with him to the warp pad.

“Food is great, and deserves songs.” He declared, and activated the warp stream with a thought. They stepped out into the delightful over-temple breeze, greeted by the smell of fresh laundry from the shirts drying on the washing line. “Huh. Pearl must have been here recently.”

Connie reached out to feel the corner of one of the shirts. “It’s pretty dry, actually. It was probably a while ago. Maybe when we finish we can take the clothes in?”

“We _could,_ but Pearl gets kind of jealous when other people do chores.” He said happily. “She _really_ likes cleaning.”

“Huh. Must be nice.” She knelt down to extract her violin. “Me and my dad do most of the chores at home, since my mom works so much.”

Steven peeked over the side of the hand. “Huh. So that’s where Garnet is.” He commented, watching the faraway Fusion provide muscle at Pearl’s direction. “I guess she wanted some of the wreckage moved.” He looked back, brandishing his ukulele. “So, I think when we were singing that thing the other day, it was in e-flat major, right?”

Connie hummed the tune to herself briefly, thinking hard. “Yeah, I think so. You’re the one with perfect pitch though, I don’t know why you’re asking me.” She stuck her tongue out.

He immediately mimicked her, leading to an exchange of raspberrying and rude faces. “You’ve had proper violin lessons, though. You know more of the music theory.” He explained, once their raspberries had reached a respectable five-second duration and could be honourably concluded.

“You’re a lot better at composing though, and play so many instruments. You’re a bit of a virtuoso, really.” She shrugged at him. “Anyway, you lead – I don’t trust myself to get the key right if I start.”

Obligingly, Steven identified a few good chords and set a good rhythm going. Connie prepared her bow and swayed a little, waiting for the right moment to begin. Steven began to hum the basic tune once it felt like he’d built it enough, and shortly after, both Connie and her violin joined in.

They went through one round just humming, working out the chords and the timing, and reintroduced the words on the second. Connie finished the section he’d interrupted the other day, and before long the whole thing was a reasonably polished song about the merits of various accompaniments for preserves. After a quick discussion, Steven put his phone out and they recorded their next run through.

“I’ll send that to you later if you like?” He offered.

“Good idea.” She agreed, setting her violin down to stretch out her arms. “My parents always ask what we’re up to when we hang out – I bet they’d like to hear I’m doing something as productive as music.”

“Productive _and_ fun.” He agreed, plucking idly at the ukulele strings. “Want to start working on another one, from scratch?”

“Sure. Just give me a minute.” She extracted a bottle of water from her bag and took a quick swig, offering it to him once she was done. He eyed it, suddenly aware that his mouth was quite dry from all of the singing, and accepted it readily.

In short order they were both playing with notes and humming, trying to find a nice new melody to work with. “Maybe something like…” Connie drew her bow in a series of jaunty notes, then paused. “Or more like this…?”

He listened, nodding along slightly to the tune he could already hear in his head. He found the right chords and set to it, going through a purely instrumental run before they tried to add in any lyrics.

“What do we want this one to be about? Jam again?”

Steven produced a long ‘hmm’. “Definitely jam.” He said, decisively. “There aren’t enough songs about jam.”

“Okay, but put something else in there too.” She suggested. “We’re sitting on a giant hand way above the beach, after all. That’s got to be worth a couple of lines.”

He considered it. “I like the way you’re thinkin’. How about something like…” He said, the flutter of the drying shirts catching his eye, and started strumming the chords again. Connie promptly joined in with the violin, listening carefully. “The sun is bright, our shirts are clean/We’re sitting up above the sea…” He paused briefly as the words fell into place, albeit slowly and not particularly fluently. “…Come on and share this jam with me?”

She nodded approvingly and took up the words after a short pause. “Peach or plum or strawberry/…Any kind is fine you see/Come on and share this jam with me.”

Before long, they’d put the Jam Song together as a catchy successor to the first one, and put down their instruments with mutual satisfaction at the result. “Next time we sing that, we’re bringing actual jam.” Connie decreed, to enthusiastic response.

“Should we record this one too?” He asked after a moment, glancing at his phone.

“We can always do that next time.” She said dismissively, packing her violin carefully into its case. “Did you want to go find Garnet now?”

He peered over the edge of the Hand, but couldn’t see any hint of her. “Sure. She’s probably waiting for us, even.”

\---

Garnet was not waiting for them, but she did arrive in the beach house within two minutes of Connie and Steven warping into it, so it worked out as more or less the same thing.

“You should be good for a bit of idle fusion time today.” She informed them. “Remember. If I say so, you unfuse immediately.” He and Connie nodded emphatically, and she smiled at them. “Go on, then.”

When Stevonnie emerged from the pink light, their thoughts were more on music than fanfiction, but Connie had brought the laptop, so... “Hi Garnet.” They said, after a second, offering a grin and a small wave to the other Fusion.

As always, she seemed very pleased to see them. “It’s good to see you again, Stevonnie.” She said, heading over to the couch to make herself comfortable. She sat down and then didn’t even twitch, her posture unnervingly motionless. Stevonnie wondered if that was because she was watching futures.

They shrugged, and considered their options. Connie _had_ brought the laptop, but really, Stevonnie was more interested in reading at the moment. They fished about for the copy of Unfamiliar Familiar which was still living at Steven’s house, and settled near Garnet to flick the book open. With a sigh of deep satisfaction, Stevonnie buried themself into the narrative.

Within about ten minutes, it became very evident that they enjoyed reading, a _lot._ Given their component selves, this was hardly surprising. Both Connie and Steven enjoyed reading, though their reading speeds and enthusiasm varied. Connie was an extremely avid reader, and was very fast at it. Steven was coming to enjoy it more and more as his television ban continued, but was pretty slow.

For their part, Stevonnie became increasingly convinced that their reading speed eclipsed even Connie’s, which was interesting. They got through several pretty chunky chapters before they were interrupted, though not by Garnet.

The sound of the door opening alerted Stevonnie enough to look up. Standing there were Amethyst and Pearl, both of whom looked startled to see them. “Oh, hi guys!” They grinned, carefully bookmarking their page and setting the book aside. “I’ve not seen you in quite a while.”

“… _Stevonnie?”_ Amethyst was the first to speak, rushing forward in the next second to present her palm. Stevonnie high-fived it, which was only possible because they were still sitting down and Amethyst was standing. Otherwise, you might say it would have fallen _short._ (Connie and Steven stirred a little in the back of the fusion-space, emerging ever-so-slightly to giggle at Stevonnie’s latest pun.) “What’s up, dude? Weren’t you meant to not be fusing?”

“That’s precisely my question.” Pearl said, a little wide-eyed. Her eyes moved to Garnet and she relaxed a little, walking forwards to inspect them.

“It’s practice.” Stevonnie explained, nodding to Garnet. “Garnet thinks that if she tells us to unfuse when it’s starting to be a problem, eventually I’ll be able to recognise and control the…well. The propagation thing.”

Pearl’s head whipped around to the Fusion in question. “You told them about that, then?”

“A few days ago.” Garnet confirmed, loosening a little from her focus to regard the new arrivals. “It seemed like the best option.”

“So what, you’re gonna be around more now?” Amethyst asked, plopping herself down onto Stevonnie’s lap. That was a little strange-feeling, but became less so when the Gem’s form melted into light and reformed into the cat shape. Stevonnie blinked at the cat-Gem on their lap and automatically reached for her ears.

“That’s the idea.” Stevonnie agreed, fingers beginning to massage around the delicate feline ears. “I’m certainly not going to complain about it. I like being me.”

Amethyst sighed with satisfaction with her voice, overlaying the deep and rumbling purr that started in her throat. “I know _that_ feeling, alright.” She said, almost wistfully, and Stevonnie couldn’t help but recall the Sugilite incident. It was a new memory for Connie, and they felt her shift with interest – she’d heard of Sugilite, but not the incident associated with her.

Pearl hesitantly took a seat beside them. “Well, Stevonnie. If you have any questions about what Garnet told you, I’d be happy to answer.”

Stevonnie regarded her, head tilting slightly. They smiled. “I might take you up on that, sometime.” They considered reaching for the book again, but Amethyst was sort of in the way, so they just kept up the petting.

“Man, Stevonnie, you have the _best_ lap.” Amethyst declared happily. “Steven is too small to lay on properly, most of the time.” And Garnet never let her, Stevonnie recalled.

“Connie did always wonder what cats would say if they could speak.” They mused, lips quirking with amusement.

Amethyst stretched out, white fluff shifting everywhere. She had cute little toe-beans. “Ain’t never gonna find a cat that talks more than me, baby.” She sighed in deep contentment. “Keep up on the ears.”

Stevonnie obligingly continued the pampering, enjoying the texture of the fur on their fingers. They hadn’t interacted with any cats before, although Steven had plenty of memories of interacting with precisely this ‘cat’, and Connie certainly wasn’t one to retreat from friendly felinoids. They wondered, briefly, where Lion was. That was another cat that Stevonnie hadn’t met as themself yet.

After a minute or so of that, Pearl stood again, looking decidedly awkward. “Well. If you don’t need me for anything, I’ve got some laundry to bring in.” She said, angling herself to the warp pad.

Stevonnie glanced up. “If you want any help folding things or putting them away, just let me know.” They offered, and Pearl’s expression softened.

“That’s very thoughtful, Stevonnie.” She said, as though bestowing a compliment. “I don’t think there’s that much to do today, but I’ll keep it in mind.” The Gem nodded briskly and headed off, looking bizarrely small as she stepped onto the warp pad.

Everything looked bizarrely small, really, when your two disparate parts were both kid-sized. To say nothing of Amethyst. Stevonnie looked fondly at the cat-Gem on their lap, and after some consideration, reached gently down to pry her off. “As nice as it is to have a cat around, I’d like to get back to my book.” They informed her, setting the sleepy feline on the couch beside them.

Amethyst yawned and stretched again. “Aww.” She lamented. “Okay, I guess.” Her form glowed and rippled and then she was her usual self again, though still sprawled on the furniture in typical feline fashion. She planted her feet on Stevonnie’s lap and covered her face with a nearby cushion. “I’m just gonna….catch some Zs…” She mumbled, words muffled through the fabric. “Been a tiring day.”

“Go ahead.” Stevonnie smiled indulgently and reached for the book, removing the mark and setting it aside. “I’ll try not to move too much.”

“S’okay.” Amethyst yawned.

Whether or not she was actually napping or just pretending to for the relaxation value was not obvious, but it didn’t make much of a difference. Stevonnie settled back into the book and got comfortable, eyes running over the text and mind conjuring its images as they went. It was pretty nice and cosy, actually, reading on the couch with two of Steven’s favourite people. Technically four, if you were counting Ruby and Sapphire in Garnet, so the area was just plain full of favourite people. Garnet might not be doing anything except sitting there staring into possible futures, but it was still nice.

Connie knew few feelings more enjoyable than being ensconced somewhere comfy and quiet with a good book. Steven knew few feelings more enjoyable than spending time around the Gems in his life, even if none of them were doing anything in particular. Stevonnie was finding both of those things to be pretty excellent, and felt very content about their place in the universe as a result. They hummed to themself as they flipped the page, reading with the passive enjoyment of someone who already knew what was going on and so didn’t have to be tense about the fight scenes.

“ _Don’t do that.”_ Garnet said out of nowhere, her voice very sharp. Stevonnie blinked out of reading-trance and looked up, startled.

“Don’t do what?” They asked, perplexed. They glanced to the side and saw that Amethyst was watching from underneath the cushion, expression distinctly uneasy.

“You were humming, dude.” The shorter Gem explained, twisting and squirming until she was upright. “That’s…kind of a no-no if you’re new to fusing, alright? Especially since you’re sat there looking so cosy and all.” Garnet nodded in solemn agreement.

Stevonnie looked between them, feeling increasingly confused, and put the book aside. “I don’t get it. What’s so bad about _humming_?”

“Resonance.” Garnet answered, which wasn’t helpful in the least.

Amethyst leaned towards them, unkempt hair wafting around her shoulders. “Look, Stevonnie, our Gems have this…light, right? It’s what we use for our powers and stuff. Shapeshifting, fusing, bubbles, all that. It’s what Gems make their bodies with, you get me?”

Stevonnie looked down at the exposed rose quartz on their belly. They were pretty familiar with the feeling of the light by now, especially what with Steven’s increasing skill at fusion control. “Well, yeah? What does that have to do with anything though?”

Garnet considered them for a second, and answered. “…The light in our gems has a wavelength. If you create a sound with the right frequency or wavelength, you can make it resonate.”

“It’s pretty handy, actually.” Amethyst added, while Stevonnie was squinting at the taller Fusion. “If you get your gem resonating it’s easier to focus on tricky shapeshifting. Or fusing, sometimes. I don’t really do it anymore though.”

“It’s mostly useful for training.” Garnet explained. “But it’s…risky, when you’re fused.”

Amethyst made a slightly rude noise. “What Garnet isn’t saying here, is that when a Fusion like you starts humming, that’s a great way for you to knock your rock up.” She gestured crudely to her amethyst. “Not that I’ve got any experience there. I got fusion memories, though.”

Stevonnie stared at her suspiciously. Did that mean Amethyst had fused with someone who’d made a gem seed? …that wasn’t really important right now, though. And it wasn’t really surprising, either, given their suspicions. “I’ve – Steven hasn’t – heard about this before.” They said, a little annoyed. “Didn’t you think it would help him to do that when he was trying to learn to shapeshift? Or to fuse?” The Steven-self in the background shuddered at the memory of his body erupting into cats, an experience which thankfully hadn’t put him off the feline species, but…well, it had come close.

“We don’t think it works for you, man. Your gem is kind of surrounded by flesh and guts.” Amethyst reached over and poked it, closing her eyes. “We can feel each other’s lights normally, and that’s how you can sort fusion out if it’s giving you a hard time. But yours is…muffled. I wouldn’t know where to _start_ on resonating it. Your blood and tissues and stuff would just get in the way.” She shrugged, and leaned back. “It’s kinda weird. I know it’s one reason why Pearl thought Steven might not be able to fuse.”

Stevonnie held a finger to their own gem. There was always a sort of…synaesthesic sensation to it, and that was just completely standard. It wasn’t anything new – it had always been there, and for as long as Steven’s memories went, the light had always _felt_ like a physical sensation on his skin. Like a buzzing, or a humming, modulating and shimmering as the seconds passed. It felt the same way when he used his powers and the light spread outwards, and when Stevonnie emerged from a fusion. “I _can_ feel it, though. It’s _right there._ Steven has _always_ been able to feel that. Why shouldn’t he be able to…to resonate it?” The physical sensation itself was just a hair’s breadth away from feeling like a sound, anyway. It shouldn’t be difficult to take it the extra step into actual sound, right?

Garnet was silent for several seconds, ignoring the imploring glances that Amethyst sent her way. “Maybe he can. It’s worth trying.” She straightened. “But _not_ when you’re fused. That’s just asking for trouble.” Her tone was flat and utterly uncompromising.

“So…bottom line is, no music or singing when I’m me?” Stevonnie asked, resigned.

“Not until you have control.” Garnet agreed, arms crossed over her chest.

“…Can I at least _listen_ to music?”

“Only if you’re very careful not to sing along.” The Fusion paused. “And not unsupervised.”

Stevonnie pursued their lips. “Well, that sucks, but…hey, extra incentive to get my control sorted out, I guess.” They looked down at their gem, feeling it hum against the skin of their thumb. “I am really curious about this whole resonance thing, though. Would you mind if I left early so Steven can give it a try?”

Garnet shrugged. “Go ahead. You’ll have other opportunities to fuse.”

“Well, I’ll see you later, then.” They said, and became light.

\---

As it happened, Steven managed to resonate his gem within about nine seconds of actually trying it.

It was just…easy. Really, absurdly easy. He’d been feeling the subtle buzz of the rose quartz his whole life, to the point where it felt like the Gem version of his heartbeat. As he understood it, that was actually pretty much exactly what it was, and he was _very_ familiar with it. It had always been there, and it required almost no effort to tune himself into it.

Connie watched from beside him, eyes wide and fascinated, as he frowned and started to hum, fingers resting over the smooth surface of the gem. His first try wasn’t quite right, wasn’t the right note – and then the light modulated, and so his second try wasn’t right either. Neither was the third note, the fourth, the fifth – but by then he knew what it was doing. The light had always been there, after all. _So what_ if it was always changing? If he focused, it was the easiest thing in the world to just relax, and…

He found the note, and his gem immediately reacted, the hum of the light louder than he’d ever felt it. It modulated again, shifting along its wavelength, and he almost lost it – but he shifted his own voice, and it was still there. The luminance built around him, and before long he was utterly calm and utterly focused, immersed in the glow of the light and its shifting melody. It lacked obvious pattern for the most part, aside from the core notes that seemed to weave themselves in, but…it was music. Just, _music_ , right there in his own gem. He hummed along with it, the light building and almost ringing in the air around him, and it was one of the most _relaxing_ things he’d ever experienced.

Steven opened his eyes, and found everyone _staring_ at him. Connie, Amethyst, and Garnet were all bathed in the intense pink glow of his gem’s resonance, and…and Pearl was just off the warp pad, a basket of clean laundry in her arms and profound shock on her face. It was almost the reaction Stevonnie had had when they first fused, and he started to feel a bit uncomfortable at the obvious astonishment. His gem’s light reacted to his nervousness and squirmed away, like it had suddenly shifted key, and he couldn’t adjust quickly enough to follow it.

The light faded within the space of seconds, settling down to its baseline ever-present humming.

He paused, and spoke. “So…I think I can do it?” He offered, ducking his head. “Eheheh.”

There were several seconds of absolute silence.

“ _He can resonate his gem?!”_ Pearl shrieked, unceremoniously dropping the plastic laundry basket as her hands flew to her face. “That’s, I never thought-“

Garnet stood up, crossed the distance to him in two strides, and knelt down to look at him. She even tilted off her visor to look at him straight in the eyes, which was a pretty sure indicator of how serious she was being. “Steven. I’m sorry for doubting you.” She said. “That was incredible, and you should be proud.”

He went very pink and smiled shyly, pressing his fingers together. “Hehe. I…thanks.”

“Hell yeah Ste-man!” Amethyst enthused, throwing her arms up from her mostly-horizontal position on the couch. “I never saw anyone resonate that bright before!”

Connie slipped off of the seat as Garnet stood up, her eyes almost as wide as Pearl’s. “That was amazing, Steven!” She said, hurrying over to him. “And what you were – singing? Did you notice that there was a bit of a repetitive melody in there?”

He perked up. “Yeah, definitely! Most of it was just…the light moving around, or something, but there were a few notes that kept turning up.”

“That’s very normal, actually.” Pearl pointed out, as she picked up the laundry basket from where she’d dropped it and made her way over. “All Gems tend towards certain keys at rest, and everyone has a base melody that turns up reasonably often.”

“Yeah, and that’s exactly what you _don’t_ want to be singing when you’re fused and sitting on the couch feeling comfy and warm.” Amethyst added. “Unless you _want_ an annoying lump of rock hanging off of you for a month. What?” She said, to Pearl and Garnet’s disapproving stares. “It’s true.”

“That may be so,” Pearl said, stern. “But that’s hardly the way to say it. You could stand to be more sensitive.”

Amethyst’s eyes wandered up to Garnet, and then quickly away again. “…Sorry, I guess.” She mumbled, sounding genuinely contrite.

Pearl inclined her head, and turned back to him. “Amethyst _is_ right, though. If you were fused with another Gem it would be different – if two or more Gems are involved, the song changes. But Stevonnie only has the one Gem. I can’t imagine the base melody will be very different.”

Steven and Connie shared a glance. “So, no resonating when we’re fused?” She asked, quizzical. “That doesn’t sound hard.”

Garnet produced a small huff of air, and looked away. The line of her shoulders was unusually stiff, and she had gone very still.

Amethyst looked at her awkwardly, and shared a glance with Pearl. “It kinda happens on its own, Connie.” She said, fiddling with her hair. “You start feeling too good and secure and cosy, and then…you start singing, there’s light everywhere, and _wham_.” She waved her hands out, flicking a strand of white hair away. “Gem seeds.”

“…So you’ll understand if we ask you to refrain from singing while you’re fused, until you have a good grasp of the necessary control.” Pearl added, looking unusually hesitant. She wasn’t being particularly subtle with the way her eyes kept flicking to Garnet, either. “Or. Or, well…it could become…difficult.” She swallowed, and as Steven followed her eyes to the resident Fusion, he suddenly felt sure that something was wrong.

Abruptly, without saying a word, Garnet turned around and walked away, the temple door opening for her as she approached. She stepped through and it closed behind her, leaving the rest of them in an uncomfortable silence.

“…Oh dear.” Pearl sighed, looking down and off to the side. Amethyst drew her legs up to her chest and kept them there, looking uncharacteristically solemn. “I didn’t intend…”

Steven shared an uncertain glance with Connie, and stepped tentatively up towards Pearl. “…Is she okay?” He asked, hunching in. “Did we say something wrong?”

The older Gem stared down at him, plainly troubled. “It’s nothing you did, Steven. Or you, Connie. It’s just…” She looked off towards the temple door. “It’s a bit of a sensitive topic for Garnet. I don’t think it’s my place to say.”

Connie looked at him, and he knew that she was remembering the same thing he did – Stevonnie’s thoughts, when Garnet had spoken with them, and their suspicions. “…I think we can probably guess.” She said, for both of them, her voice soft.

Steven nodded and glanced between his guardians, upset curling in him at the obvious unhappiness on their faces. “She’s made gem seeds before, right? It’s…it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

Pearl hesitated, then sighed. She bent down and put one hand on each of their shoulders, looking at them with a clarity and sadness in her eyes that he’d never seen before. “…You’re correct, of course.” She acknowledged, quietly. “I don’t think there’s any sense pretending otherwise. Garnet was the first permanent fusion in the rebellion, and there were a lot of things we didn’t know, back then.” She withdrew and broke eye contact, a faraway expression on her face. “You’re very young, so I don’t know if you’ll understand…but it can be very upsetting, to create something in love, and know that it will never grow.”

Steven sniffled, the weight of the room’s mood pressing down on him. Connie took his hand and squeezed it as she looked up at Pearl. “…My mom had two miscarriages before she managed to have me.” She said, quietly. “My parents don’t talk about it much, but I know it really hurts them to think about it. It seems it’s kind of like that?”

Steven…hadn’t known that. He looked at her and tried very hard not to start crying. It was just…so _sad._ For Connie’s parents _and_ Garnet. He squeezed her hand back, hoping it would help her like it helped him.

Amethyst was silent in the background, watching with obvious discomfort. Pearl nodded, just once. “Yes. I think the concepts are quite similar.” Connie sighed, her expression downcast. She kept a careful hold on his hand.

“I wish…I just wish there was something we could do to help.” Steven said, miserably. “It’s _not fair_ that Garnet can’t have her kids.”

“No, it isn’t.” Pearl agreed, voice soft. “But we _know_ that it would hurt the Earth. Garnet has Seen it. And in the end, all of us are _here_ because that’s what we were fighting to prevent. It would be the height of hypocrisy to make an exception for our own seeds.”

“Yeah. I know.” Steven understood. He _did._ If they’d gone to war with Homeworld over the Kindergartens destroying life on the planet, it wouldn’t be right to just turn around and do the same thing themselves. But still… “I just…wish it was different.”

Pearl hesitated, then bent to pull him into a hug. “I know, Steven.” She murmured into the top of his hair. “So do I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: ~~you wish it were different, you say? That couldn’t possibly be a major plot point of this story now, could it~~ ahem. The ending of this chapter turned out far more sad than I anticipated. I knew the Garnet issue would come up eventually, I just thought it would…you know, be at least past the fourth chapter. Chapter decided otherwise, though.  
>  Thanks for all who left kudos/bookmark/comments! I'm always super nervous at the start of a new story, especially in a new fandom, and the encouragement really helps.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers up to end of 2x09: Sworn to the Sword.

Steven gave Garnet an extra tight hug the next time he saw her. She seemed perfectly okay, despite the awfulness of what she must have been thinking about, and he wasn’t sure what to think about that. He’d never really seen her talk to anyone about her problems before and he was worried she just…wasn’t telling anyone, like he tended to. Which made it awkward to consider asking her about it, because it would be a bit hypocritical of him. He was _definitely_ avoiding talking about his problems.

Having Connie to talk to helped, and so did fusion. Stevonnie could think about his issues with…not emotional distance, exactly, because Stevonnie was half-him. But Connie was there, too, and that made it easier for their Fusion to avoid getting clogged up in everything he was trying not to think about. And they fused _a lot._ Since Stevonnie never lasted very long before being told to unfuse, Steven and Connie had the time to fuse pretty much every time they saw each other.

After the fifth fusion, Stevonnie finished Unfamiliar Familiar, comfortably beating Connie’s time for ‘quickest read’ and filling their artistic urge near to bursting. They started jotting down ideas for their fanfiction a little way into book two, appropriating one of Steven’s unused notebooks for the purpose and filling page upon page with their exceedingly pretty handwriting. Connie and Steven themselves never failed to go through Stevonnie’s notes after the fact, half to admire their Fusion’s thought processes and half to see if there was anything they could add.

“I can’t wait till Stevonnie actually starts writing.” Connie commented to him one day after they’d unfused, flipping through the notebook with interest. “This sounds like something I’d really like to read.”

“You’ll remember writing it, though.” Steven pointed out, looking over her shoulder. “Won’t that just make it like proofreading?”

“Stevonnie felt like Unfamiliar Familiar was…well, unfamiliar. At least a little.” She closed the notebook and set it to the side. “I’m sure it will work the same way when we read their story.”

“Hopefully!” Steven picked up the abandoned notes and opened it to the first page, where several title possibilities were written out. Stevonnie wasn’t entirely sure which one to go with, so that seemed like something they could vote on. “What’s your favourite title?” He inquired, even as he tried to answer the question himself. Stevonnie had been favouring ‘Flightless’, for the drama and connotations of it, and he did like it. He was torn between that and ‘Giving Up the Sky’, though. It sounded like something he’d put in a song, and he liked that.

Connie inspected the list. “…I _do_ like ‘Flightless’. It’s short and to-the-point, and really catches my attention.”

“It sounds really angsty though.”

“So does ‘Giving Up the Sky’, and you like that one.”

“Hehe. I guess.” He considered the notebook, and then reached for the discarded pencil on the table. He underlined ‘Flightless’ and wrote a careful note in the margins: ‘ _Connie votes for this one!’_ “I hope Stevonnie doesn’t make it _too_ sad.” He punctuated the page with a few doodled stars.

Connie reached over him to take the pencil and drew a smiley face next to his note. “I’m sure they won’t, Steven. There will be _plenty_ of schmaltz to go with the drama. Stevonnie is half you, after all.”

He giggled, bashful, and rolled onto his side. “I just like the characters to be happy, is all.”

In all, Stevonnie’s development as a person with interests was progressing nicely. Their progress in understanding the underlying processes in fusion, however, was more or less non-existent. Steven and Connie tried not to let it discourage them – they’d barely been at it for a week, after all. “It would be unrealistic to expect to make a breakthrough this soon.” Connie said philosophically, when Pearl asked her about it.

For her part, Pearl had seemed approving of that. The Crystal Gems in general had been warming to Connie – she was around a lot, after all, and everyone had the opportunity to get to know her through Stevonnie as well.

As such, when Steven suggested that Connie ask Pearl for sword instruction, it didn’t seem as daunting an idea as it might have done. And, well…Connie had pretty much exactly the kind of drive and motivation that he thought Pearl would appreciate.

“-I want to be there with Steven, to fight by his side! The Earth is my home too….can’t I help protect it?”

Steven looked between Connie’s fierce enthusiasm and the sight of Pearl near-overcome with emotion, and nodded very slightly to himself.

If Pearl harboured any remaining reservations about Connie’s presence in Steven’s life, that speech had quite decisively eliminated them.

\---

Initially, Steven was very enthusiastic about Connie’s sword training. He’d tried to learn swordplay from Pearl that one time, but it hadn’t come easily to him at all, and had certainly not ended well. Swords were cool, but…it felt a little too weird to actually fight with one. He much preferred his shield.

Connie, though? She had exactly the kind of steely focus (and on occasion, thirst for battle) that made her take to the lessons like a duck to water. He watched her swift progress with unfettered admiration, and felt strangely as though the pieces of a puzzle were falling into place.

It just…seemed very appropriate. He and Connie were obviously best friends, they were so in sync that they could fuse with no effort at all, and it just _made sense_ that they should be fighting together. Actually, it had been feeling increasingly strange to go out with the Crystal Gems looking for corrupted Gems or Peridot _without_ her. Connie had never been on a mission with them, but it felt like she should be there, like he should be looking over his shoulder to make sure she was keeping up with them. On occasion he _did_ look over his shoulder for her, and had to supress his instinctive alarm at not finding her there. It was a little weird, actually, but it probably wasn’t important.

The point was, he was _thrilled_ at the prospect of being fighting partners with Connie. It felt _exactly_ right, and for the first few days Stevonnie had gone around near-brimming with delight whenever they were formed from the sheer excitement of their component selves.

Progressively, though…something was going wrong. Connie became less excited and more serious, which on its own wasn’t _bad_ , but…something wasn’t quite right any more, and he didn’t know what it was _or_ how to stop it.

They still took their Stevonnie time, when Garnet was available. Lately, it had been lasting longer, but he didn’t think that was for any good reason. It wasn’t like they were having difficulty staying fused or anything, but…

They were losing sync, somehow.

Steven had the memories of it. Stevonnie sitting on the couch reading, or bent over the notebook with ideas coursing through their mind…and behind it all, Connie half-awake and stewing with fervour. Her mind was brimming with notes on stance, on balance, on spotting the right openings and timing her strikes exactly right, the footwork when she lunged forwards and the way to dance away from injury. Sometimes she nearly bubbled over in Stevonnie’s head, thoughts frothing into such a state of absorption that Stevonnie couldn’t really concentrate on what they were doing.

And…somehow, she didn’t seem to acknowledge that it was a problem.

He tried to ask her about it once, when they’d unfused not because Garnet had told them but because they were out of time and she had to go home. He’d suggested, tentatively, that something was going a bit weird.

She’d brushed him off. “I’m just really focused, Steven. It’s nothing to worry about.” She said, smiling at him. Looking at that smile, he could almost believe everything was normal. “I’m doing so well with my training. There’s no time for me to slack off if I want to get good enough.”

Objectively, that seemed true. He’d been training for Gem stuff for _years_ , and while Connie seemed to be picking up combat skills a lot quicker than he had, there was no denying that she had to catch up. But it was _wrong._ She was becoming so…so _absorbed_ in training to fight that she seemed to be losing sight of what it was _for._

There was something strange and a little frightening brewing in her mind. Steven could feel it, brushing against him inside the fusion-space. He remembered it when they were apart, but couldn’t quite put words to it. Stevonnie didn’t like it, either. He couldn’t count the number of times they’d felt at the unequal forces within them, uneasy and uncomfortable, not knowing what to say. And Connie was _ignoring_ it when she was unfused, as though she somehow didn’t remember or didn’t consider it important. She was ignoring _Stevonnie._ It…wasn’t right.

He felt, increasingly, that something needed to be done. Stevonnie didn’t feel natural any more, didn’t feel _whole._ But in the end, he left it too long, and only recognised the form of what was taking root in Connie’s mind once it was right in front of him.

 “Remember, Connie. In the heat of battle, _Steven_ is what matters. _You don’t matter._ ”

“I don’t matter.” Connie repeated, firm and decisive, as though it _made sense,_ and he _couldn’t_ deal with it any more. Pearl called the mist for the day’s exercise and Connie ran off to find a better position.

Desperate, he rushed forwards into the building fog, calling out to her.

 _“Let us begin.”_ Pearl’s voice resounded in the haze, and she – she was the reason for this! Steven _loved_ Pearl, but – how could she ever teach Connie that she didn’t matter? How could she even _think_ that? That was _not_ okay.

“Connie!” He shouted, turning his head to hear the sounds of clattering metal. The fog distorted the sound strangely and he couldn’t tell where the noise was coming from. He spun on his heel and moved in what felt like the right direction, following a vague impression of familiarity-

He reached out, and stepped, forwards, and she was there. His hand closed around her upper arm and she whirled to face him, just barely staying her hand. “Steven!” She gasped, surprise and _irritation_ falling over her expression. “What are you-“ She looked over his shoulder and stiffened. Without even thinking about it, he pulled on his shield, light coalescing in front of his arm as he turned and caught the Holo-Pearl’s blow. A second later Connie was stepping around him. She lunged, quick and vicious, and the hologram dispersed. Its sword clattered to the ground.

He turned back to her at once, not giving her room to talk. “This isn’t right, Connie!” He said, trembling with the force of his upset. “What Pearl was saying just now – she’s _wrong!_ You _do_ matter! You – you shouldn’t be-“ His throat closed up.

She put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. She looked so _confident,_ was the thing. So _certain._ “Steven,” She said, in the same gentle voice she used when he was being over-emotional about something and she was trying to be nice about it. “I think you’re misunderstanding this. Of course I matter-“ He looked up, hopeful. “It’s just that you matter _more,_ don’t you see? You have this _legacy,_ all the history of the rebellion and such an important destiny – I want to be a part of that!” She removed her hand, and slipped back into stance, eyes scanning around for potential enemies. “I _can_ be a part of that, Steven! I can protect you! I can offer you my service, just like Pearl said-“

“I don’t _want_ your _service,_ Connie!” Steven cried, pushing forwards to grab at her arm again. “Don’t you see? We’re meant to be fighting _together,_ not like – like _this!_ ” He gestured at her, how she was barely looking at him, barely _listening._ Well, if she wouldn’t look at him-

He moved directly in front of her, straight into her field of vision, and she stared at him with abject confusion. “Steven-“

“I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself for me!” He shouted. “I don’t want a – a _knight,_ I want a partner! We should be watching out for each other, but-“

She pushed him out of the way and met the sword of a Holo-Pearl coming up behind him. There was the distinct screech of clashing metal in his ear, two fierce cries as she parried, and then the buzz of the hologram dispersing. Another blade fell to the floor, and Connie whirled around in search of more opponents. “Steven, we can talk about this later.” She said, shifting carefully around to watch the perimeter. “This isn’t a good-“

“ _We’re losing Stevonnie!_ ” He said, helplessly, unable to keep it in any more. And…and that, by some miracle, she listened to.

She turned to him, looking _confused._ “…What? What do you mean?”

“I can _feel_ it! The fusion’s uneven now!” He took her hand, letting his light out just a little, enough for them both to feel it. “When we fuse, we’re…not together. Not like we should be.” The fusion-light felt reluctant and almost flat, just like it had been for ages now. He was sure he could still make it happen, but at the same time, he was _certain_ it wouldn’t happen accidentally. Not when they were like this. “…Can’t you feel it?” He asked, miserable.

Connie stared, and carefully wrapped her fingers around his. She looked down at their joined hands and lowered her sword. “I…” She seemed, at last, uncertain. “I’ve…really been…? But what about what Pearl said? She’s been fighting so much longer than either of us, Steven. Wouldn’t she know best?”

“Connie, Pearl is a _Gem._ ” He said, mind full of horrible images of what Garnet had told him. “As long as her gem isn’t shattered she’ll be fine! If she was human – I…I bet she’d have died _dozens_ of times. Garnet said that she just kept throwing herself in front of Mom, even when she didn’t need to, because she thought it’s what she should be doing. She got poofed loads of times! She got to survive that, but if you do the same thing…”

Her brow was furrowed, her shoulders loosening a little. “That…doesn’t sound healthy.” She muttered, as though suddenly understanding something unpleasant. “It’s…it’s _not._ ” Her eyes went up to his again, and something in the light between them cleared away, like an obstruction falling loose in a stream. “That’s not healthy at all, is it? It’s obsessive. It’s…it’s _self-destructive.”_

Steven shifted towards the direction of where he heard a sound. “We might be up against some really scary stuff soon. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I don’t want you getting hurt _for_ me when we should just be protecting each other!” He summoned a bubble, following his intuition to find the figure emerging from the mist with its sword raised. Then a second, and a third, and a fourth…

Connie went to lift her own blade, fingers loosening around his, but he kept firm hold. “…Steven?”

He watched the Holo-Pearls approach, glancing to the friend at his side. “Let’s do this together, okay?”

She looked at their hands locked between them, and finally smiled. “…Okay.”

He grinned, raising their hands up. “Jam Buds?”

She lifted her sword before her in challenge, the smile turning firm and decisive on her face. “Jam Buds!” She agreed, and the light ran clear again.

He dropped the bubble, but even in its absence, the pink radiance built. Stevonnie emerged, sword in one hand and shield illuminated over the other, and sighed with relief. “ _That’s better._ ” They said, and rushed into battle.

\---

The situation resolved itself. Even in the face of Pearl’s disapproval, Stevonnie refused to separate, cutting through the holograms with absurd ease. It was the first time they’d ever fought, the first time Steven and Connie had fought _together,_ and it felt almost overwhelmingly comfortable. Steven was too hesitant to cut and Connie had a tendency to neglect defence but together it was…seamless. Effortless. Just like fusion itself.

Pearl had millennia of experience on them, so even fused, they didn’t come anywhere close to pushing her limits. But it was _better._ It was _obviously_ better, and she needed to see that.

Stevonnie understood, in the wake of Pearl’s outburst, that her devotion to Rose Quartz had gone beyond love. It wasn’t healthy, and while neither they nor their components could hope to understand how Rose had felt about it, all three of them absolutely _ached_ at the thought of how old that hurt must be, and how fresh the grief still was.

Carefully, they approached their mentor, sitting quietly beside her. “Steven didn’t mean to disrespect your lessons, Pearl.” They said, feeling a little uncomfortable at being tall enough to look _down_ at her. “It’s just…I don’t agree with what you were saying. Connie _does_ matter, and Steven might be more magical but that doesn’t mean he’s _worth_ more. Everyone… _everyone_ matters.”

Pearl’s head didn’t move, but her eyes did shift sideways, locking onto the Fusion in her periphery.

Stevonnie edged a little closer. “You matter too, Pearl.” They asserted, shuffling a little. “I…I don’t know why you’d think you don’t. But you _matter._ You aren’t….you’re not less, or _dispensable_ somehow – and Connie isn’t, either.”

The Gem sighed, deep and tremulous. She looked up, and her eyes were brimming with tears. “I know, Stevonnie.” She said, voice quiet. “I’m sorry I said those things to Connie. Of course she matters. I should never have suggested otherwise. Don’t listen to me, I’m just…” She stared away again, expression going almost listless. “…projecting. Again.”

“…I don’t like the idea that Mom made you feel that way.” Stevonnie offered after a moment, unhappy. “Like you were…nothing.”

The noise Pearl released was half-laugh and half-sob. “Oh, don’t you worry, she never did any such thing.” She stared upwards, and though she seemed deeply emotional, at least the emptiness of a few seconds ago was gone. “She made me feel like…like I was _everything._ She sounded just like you – so _determined_ to make sure I understood my worth. But…” _She’s gone,_ Pearl didn’t say, but Stevonnie could feel the shape of the words in the air.

The impulses of two selves warred briefly, and after a moment, Stevonnie made the conscious decision to separate. Steven threw his little arms around Pearl the instant he’d reformed, Connie settling nearby. Pearl’s arms came around to cradle Steven pretty much automatically, looking down at him in surprise.

“Steven?” She asked, voice gentling. “Is everything alright?”

“ _You matter Pearl, and I love you.”_ He muttered indistinctly into her clothing, and her arms tightened.

Connie offered a hesitant smile as she looked over. “Stevonnie would have hugged you themself, but we weren’t sure if you’d be okay with that.”

Carefully, Pearl bent to press a kiss into the dark curls of Steven’s hair. “You’re both so kind.” She murmured, looking almost wistful now. “I have no problem with Stevonnie, but thank you for being so considerate.”

Encouraged, Connie shifted a little closer. “Then…do you have any problems with our training? Together, I mean.”

She straightened and looked at her human student curiously. Steven unburied himself to observe, suddenly anxious. “Do you mean the usual type of ‘together’, or ‘Stevonnie’?” Pearl asked, sounding honestly interested in the answer.

Connie and Steven shared a glance. “Both.” Steven piped up, in a small voice. “We don’t want to fight alone. It doesn’t work well for us and it doesn’t feel right.”

Pearl looked between them, smiling very slightly. “You care so deeply about each other…” She sighed. “Certainly, that will help your teamwork. I don’t have any issues with you training as Stevonnie,” They both brightened, and she removed an arm from Steven to raise a stern finger. “ _but_ you also have to train separately! If you learn how to fight as a Fusion you’ll be much less effective at fighting on your own, and Steven – you _will_ have to fight alone some or most of the time. Connie has parents and schooling, and can’t always be here.”

Steven sat up. “Yeah, I know.” He agreed, sadly. “We can still learn our combat skills together though, right?”

“Good teamwork skills _are_ generalisable.” Connie added, looking up at Pearl with eyes alarmingly like Steven’s when he was pleading. She was _learning._ “If Steven and I get lots of practice fighting together, then Steven should be better at teamwork with other people, too.”

Pearl smiled indulgently and straightened up, wiping delicately at her face. “To an extent, certainly.” She agreed.

“Then it’s fine for us to train together, right?” Steven exclaimed, face lighting up.

The Gem made a clearly feigned considering noise. “ _Hmmmm._ ” She tapped with faux-thoughtfulness at her face. “Well, I _suppose_ you’ve convinced me.”

“Yes!” He cheered, immediately hugging her again. Connie laughed at him and the next moment squeaked as he pulled her into it as well. Pearl smiled fondly down at the two of them, setting a hand on each of their shoulders.

“It will be hard work.” She warned him. “You’ve got a fair bit of catching up to do, Steven. And Connie, learning to work around another person can be very challenging.”

Connie locked eyes with Steven and smiled. “Somehow, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

\---

The next time they fused was only the next day, and Stevonnie was filled with an almost effervescent joy and contentment from the outset. Even with the worry of Pearl hanging over them, it was just so _nice_ to be themself that they couldn’t restrain their good mood. Garnet raised her brows at them as they pranced past, crossing her arms.

“It’s good that you two worked it out.” She said, and Stevonnie was suddenly aware that _of course_ Garnet had realised they hadn’t been synchronising properly. “But if you’re going to go around feeling like that, you won’t be able to stay fused for long.”

“That’s okay.” Stevonnie accepted, twirling around the house in movements that were half combat-footwork and half dance. “I’m sure it’ll be worth it.”

Garnet smiled, approving, and let them go on their way into the house.

Stevonnie proceeded to be obviously and obnoxiously happy for the following twenty minutes of their fused time, having to be told on four separate occasions to stop whistling, and practically skipping as they danced around the kitchen. Stevonnie felt like investigating food today, and was sampling bits and pieces of their components’ favourites that were available in the domicile.

“Life is amazing.” They sighed, feeling wonderfully overcome by the taste of the cold leftover pizza they’d extracted from the fridge. They didn’t know whose stomach it was going to end up in when they unfused but frankly they _didn’t care,_ because they had pizza and they were fused and life was _great._

Amethyst looked over from her position on the counter, freely accepting the proffered pizza crust that Stevonnie passed their way. “Man, but you’re bubbly today.” Amethyst said, leaning backwards over the food preparation surface to look at them upside-down. “What’re you so happy about?”

Stevonnie blinked at the question as they swallowed a mouthful of pizza. Then they grinned. “ _I’m me._ ” They sighed, blissfully, dusting the flour off of their fingers. “It’s _great._ ”

Amethyst made an odd face at that. It was conflicted-looking, as though torn half-way between good cheer and a grimace. “You…sure are fused a lot, lately.” She said, her body elongating oddly. Her head and arms hung limply over the side of the counter. It wasn’t immediately clear whether she was shapeshifting her limbs to look longer, or if it was just a perspective thing.

Stevonnie pulled her off of the counter by her upper body, eliciting a surprised squawk, and then headed for the couch. It turned out her limbs _were_ shapeshifted longer, because they dangled unnaturally for a moment before receding to their usual dimensions.

“Imma get salty with you if you don’t tell me what you’re picking me up for.” Amethyst informed them, looking vaguely like a disgruntled cat even in her usual form.

Stevonnie sat down and hugged Amethyst firmly against their front. “You looked unexpectedly sad and I decided that you needed hugs.” They said, settling into the chair. “Is that okay?”

Amethyst blinked, momentarily startled. Then she flashed a quick, genuine smile before she looked away, quickly schooling her expression into pretended neutrality. “Yeah, that’s cool.”

That was good, because Stevonnie had inherited from both of their components, most especially Steven, a very pronounced tendency towards affection. They found it especially pleasing to hug someone small like Amethyst – it was just _nice._ Warm and compact at the same time. Stevonnie was steadily coming to understand why Garnet liked to pluck Steven from the ground so often.

Amethyst was still wearing that forced nonchalant expression she used when she was having emotions but was pretending otherwise, so Stevonnie sat and cuddled her for a few minutes until she loosened up. Once her face had shifted to the sort of dopey relaxed smile that was indicative of a happy and non-defensive Amethyst, Stevonnie judged that it might be an alright time to speak. “Everything okay?”

“Mmyeah.” The Gem nodded, her mane of white hair falling in her face. “Cuddles.”

Stevonnie understood the sentiment, and nodded sagely. “Cuddles are good.” They agreed, and sat peaceably for another minute. Then: “Are you okay with me being around so much?”

Amethyst blew her hair out of her eyes with a puff of breath so that she could look up at them. “Yeah? Sure. You’re like, Steven and Connie, and I like both of them, so you’re fine.” She shrugged. “Plus you give the best hugs.”

Stevonnie smiled, pleased. “That’s good. You just seemed a bit weird about it earlier, so…I thought I’d ask.”

“I ain’t got a problem with it.” Amethyst let her head fall back against Stevonnie and stared up at the ceiling. “It’s nice. That you two fuse so much.” Her voice was a little stilted as she added “The rest of us…don’t fuse so much, any more. ‘Cept Ruby and Sapphire, but they don’t count.”

 _Huh._ Stevonnie blinked, staring neutrally out of the window. “…Do you miss it?”

“Psshh.” Amethyst made a face. “Nah. It’s only ever a giant pain in the ass, anyway.”

Stevonnie hummed briefly instead of replying. It was quite clearly a lie, but it also didn’t seem politic to say so. So they abided, hugged Amethyst, and a few minutes in started playing with her hair. The Gem in question made approving rumbles, half on her way to a nap, and laid there contentedly while she was groomed.  

Stevonnie spent the rest of their safe fusion time weaving and unweaving braids in the quartz’s white hair, settling into pensive rumination as the minutes passed. They thought about fusion, and about isolation, and about all of the problems that were piling up unanswered.

The three of them – Steven and Connie and Stevonnie – had noticed a number of issues in their lives. Some things were wrong, others _seemed_ off, and the rest could easily become so given the chance. For Stevonnie’s part, it seemed awkward and a little presumptuous to take initiative in sorting any of those things out, because…well, if they forced Steven and Connie to confront things they weren’t comfortable with, it might remove some of the trust they had for their fused self, and they didn’t want to do that.

But Steven and Connie weren’t doing anything. Steven was too nervous, too afraid of hurting people’s feelings – and Connie didn’t want to intrude on personal matters when she still felt like an outsider.

Stevonnie was different. Stevonnie had Connie’s fierce resolve and Steven’s capacity for empathy and, after time spent learning themself, did not feel like an outsider in the temple. And, most of all, Stevonnie understood that there were things at play that should not be avoided or ignored.

So it was that, the day after they’d sat on the couch playing with Amethyst’s hair, Stevonnie used the entirety of their allotted time to sit down and write a letter. It was a long letter, painfully honest, and very personal to everyone involved. Several times they had to stop and breathe and distance themselves from the unhappy stirring of their components before they could continue. But they wrote it, and they finished it, and then they set it carefully on the bed where it couldn’t be easily ignored. Garnet had left at some point, despite usually remaining to supervise. Perhaps she’d foreseen their need for privacy.

Steven and Connie emerged from the fusion in silence, staring at the sheet of compact handwriting on the duvet. Connie was the one who reached out and took it gently in her fingers, bringing it between them and settling against Steven’s side. Her eyes ran over the first lines, knowing everything that was written before she even saw it.

_‘You know why I’m writing this. There are things that you’re ignoring, and after the last few days, I think it’s time we started dealing with some of them…’_

“Stevonnie’s right, you know.” She said, softly. It was harder for Steven than for her, she was sure – he had so much more to deal with, so much more going wrong. But that made it all the more important for her to help him. “Ignoring things isn’t going to help. I ignored what I was doing to Stevonnie, and it…didn’t help.”

Steven slumped against her. She looked down, and his face was distinctly upset. “I know.” He mumbled. “It’s just…there’s so _much_. And it’s so much easier to ignore it than…”

“I know.” She put an arm around him, settling him comfortably against her. “I…if you like, I can do mine first.” She breathed, carefully. Talking about things was _hard_. But if Steven was going to do it, so was she. And Steven had so much more to deal with than she did…

He peeked up at her at that, and nodded, looking down at Stevonnie’s letter. Specifically, the section about what Connie was ignoring. “You…really feel like you’re not good enough?”

“…It’s hard not to.” She admitted, staring down at her lap. “I’m just a human, after all. You and the Gems have all these amazing powers, and stories, and you’ve all done such incredible things. But…I’m just a _human.”_

He straightened, indignant on her behalf. “There’s nothing wrong with being a human. And _you’re_ amazing, Connie. You’re really great at the sword-fighting, you’re great at music, you’re really smart-“

 

She shook her head and cut him off. “Steven, there’s probably millions of girls out there who like books and music and would learn swordplay quickly. It’s just random chance that I’m the one here, it could have been anyone. I’m just…not _special.”_

“ _You’re the only you in the world.”_ He countered, firmly. “There’s _no one_ else like you and you _are_ special, you’re _Connie._ It doesn’t matter if someone else _could_ have done what you have because _you’re_ the one who did. No one else in the world is getting sword lessons from Pearl. No one else would make _Stevonnie._ ” He gestured wildly at the letter. “Stevonnie! Who wrote that! I could fuse with everyone else in the world and you’re the only one who’d make Stevonnie!”

Connie blinked. “…Huh.”

He deflated a little. “Sorry. It’s probably weird of me to use someone else as a reason why you’re special.”

“…No, actually, I agree with you.” Connie admitted, a little surprised at her own admission. “Self-esteem is a weird thing, Steven. You can tell me I’m important a hundred times and it still might not sink in, but…you’re right. No one else in the world could make Stevonnie.” She smiled, tentatively, and held the letter close to her chest. “Just…me. And you.”

“And Stevonnie is really special.” He agreed, looking at her worriedly. “But…all that other stuff is true as well, you know. You’re special because of you. Not just because we fuse.”

She put the letter down and rested her hand over his. “Thanks, Steven.”

He happily took hold of her hand. “If you’re having trouble believing me, I’ll make sure Stevonnie thinks about it really hard next time we fuse. Maybe that will work better. You know, help it sink in.” His Gem reacted to the physical and emotional proximity with a flush of fusion-light, but he pressed it back without any visible effort. He was getting much better about that.

She smiled. “Maybe.”

They sat together for a quiet minute before Steven spoke. “…Did you want to talk about your parent thing, too?”

Connie winced. “How about we take turns? You can talk about your parent thing first.”

He made a disgruntled noise and slumped. “I guess that’s fair.”

She squeezed his hand. “Talking _is_ a two-way street.” He nodded, but didn’t say anything. “…Did you want me to start you off?” He peeked up, and after a moment, quickly nodded again. “You’re worried that the Gems blame you for your mom being gone.” She said, succinctly, and he flinched. Both of their eyes wandered to the face of the letter on the bed between them. _‘You keep thinking about it, and it really upsets you…’_ Stevonnie had reported, and they were right.

“…I’m only here because my mom is gone.” Steven said, inspecting his lap. “And all the Gems really miss her. You saw Pearl the other day. She’s so _sad,_ and she misses my mom so much. They all do. And I’m…not her. I’m just. Me.”

“Steven, they _love_ you.” Connie told him, patiently. “It’s so obvious – the way they look at you, the way they talk to you – they care about you _so much._ Of course they miss Rose, but they know it was her choice to have you, right?” He nodded jerkily. “Okay. So I obviously can’t read their minds, but I’m pretty sure they don’t blame you for something she decided.”

He was quiet for several seconds, and then he sniffled. She pulled him into a hug before the tears could actively start up. “I’m not as good as mom, though. I can hardly fight and _she_ led a rebellion.” He mumbled into her arm. “They’d be better off with her.” His eyes began actively leaking into her clothing. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, around Steven. He cried at everything, good and bad.

“You’re a tiny, tiny fraction of her age. Of _course_ you can’t do everything she can. But you’re getting new powers all the time, and you can do things she can’t.” Connie reminded him.

“…I can?”

“Of course. Remember the destabiliser fields on the ship? If you hadn’t been able to get through those, everyone would have been in a lot of trouble.” To say the least. Connie had pretty detailed memories of that whole incident now, courtesy of Stevonnie, and she was fully capable of thinking up all sorts of ways it could have gone awfully wrong.

“…huh.” He said, in the same tone of voice she had when he’d brought up Stevonnie.

She tickled him very lightly in the side and he giggled. “And remember, _you’re_ half of Stevonnie too.”

“Hehehe.” He pushed the offending hand away. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Stevonnie’s right that you need to talk to the Gems about this, though.” She said. “Otherwise you’ll just keep thinking of it and bottling it up. And you should ask Garnet about the Peridot thing too.”

“But that’s so _uncomfortable._ And…scary.” He despaired, which was a pretty accurate description of her feelings whenever she considered talking to her parents about what her life had become.

“It kind of needs doing, though.”

“Yeah.” He sighed, and looked sideways at her. “…What about your parent thing?”

The advantage of having at least slightly thought of all of this as Stevonnie was that they both had a basic familiarity with each other’s problems, and didn’t need to build up to it or dance around the issue. They both already knew. “I’m terrified of telling them what’s going on in my life now, with you and the Gems and the sword-fighting – and _especially_ Stevonnie. I’m pretty sure they won’t take it well. They’re so over-protective, sometimes…”

“You’re worried they won’t let you come here anymore.” Steven acknowledged, quietly, and his hand tightened on hers.

“It’s pretty likely, I think.” She nodded stiffly. “The problem is, I almost certainly can’t keep up the secrets forever. It’ll come out, somehow, and then we’ll have to face it anyway. But…I don’t know. It feels like if I put it off, then maybe I’ll find an idea for…something. How to get them to listen, maybe.” She drew her knees in to her chest.

“…I don’t really know what to tell you.” He admitted, face drawn into an unhappy frown. “It seems like a bad idea to just ignore it, but…”

“It feels too soon.” Connie completed the sentence for him, and he nodded vigorously. “Yeah, I understand. It’s so recently that I started training with Pearl, and even more recent that we started training together. I’d like to have a bit more to show for it before my parents find out, you know?”

Steven offered a pensive noise, still clearly uncomfortable. “When do you think would be a better time to try talking to them?”

“…Before Pearl says I’m ready to try a mission, maybe?” She suggested uncertainly. “I’m not sure. I think this is something we’ll just need to keep coming back to.”

He stared silently for several seconds. “I think I want to tell my dad about Stevonnie.” He said, abruptly, and Connie blinked. “It’s…I don’t think he’ll have any problem with it. And it feels wrong that he doesn’t know.”

“Stevonnie would probably like to meet him.” Connie commented after a moment. “That sounds fine to me – and it’s sensible. Considering how much we fuse these days he’s going to have to find out sometime. We can just tell him next time we’re both around him?”

Steven’s face brightened steadily as she spoke. “Yeah! I bet he’ll be so surprised!”

“It’s nice that one of our parents won’t be a big issue, at least.” She smiled ruefully, and looked down at the letter. “…Well, we’ve talked about most of the stuff Stevonnie wanted us to, now.” She glanced around at him. “What do you think? Did it help?”

Steven’s face fell steadily back into thoughtfulness again. “…I think so?” He said, hesitant. “We didn’t talk about anything that we didn’t already know, but…I think it helped to say it out loud?”

“Honestly I was expecting this talk to be a lot more emotional and painful.” Connie admitted, remembering the state of tension they’d been in when they emerged from the fusion. “Maybe _because_ we already had an overview of everything from Stevonnie, it was easier to talk about?”

“I barely cried.” He agreed, looking quite impressed at the admission. “I guess fusion is pretty useful as therapy, huh?” He looked down at the letter and frowned again. “And…the others could probably use that.”

Connie nodded, and brought the paper up again. “And I guess that brings us to the last thing.”

Together, they sat and quietly read over the last paragraph, lines catching their eyes and memories from the page. _‘I’m worried about Pearl. She’s clearly in a lot of pain and has a lot of unresolved issues, and I don’t think she’s talking to anyone about it. Amethyst seems unhappy and lonely, too.’,_ Stevonnie had written there, and _‘It bothers me that they hardly ever fuse, when it’s done so much good for us, and especially Steven…’_ “…The more I think about it,” Connie quoted, picking up from where she’d been reading. “The more it seems like Gems _need_ to fuse.”

“Amethyst definitely misses fusing.” Steven acknowledged, crossing his arms. “I think maybe that’s why Sugilite went so crazy. It had been too long since she was out. And I’ve only ever seen her and Opal a couple of times _._ I’ve never even _seen_ Pearl and Garnet fuse, except into Alexandrite, I guess. It just…” He shuddered briefly. “I can’t imagine going that long without forming Stevonnie, you know?”

“I know.” It wasn’t a feeling that Connie understood properly in her own body, but she had Stevonnie’s perspective of it, and Steven’s memories. In the long break between their first couple of fusions and the recent arrangement with Garnet, Steven had actively missed it. _Pined,_ even. Through his memories, it was a similar feeling to the lonely friendlessness that Connie was so accustomed to, except it didn’t go away just by spending time with people.

Social isolation, she thought. A very alien type of social isolation, but probably an important one. Chronic social isolation in humans was very much not a joking matter, and had all sorts of nasty consequences for physical and mental health.

“The more we think about it, the more I think they should be fusing more.” She said, brows furrowed. “If it _is_ like some kind of…basic social _need_ for Gems, it would make sense why they all seem so… _lonely,_ even though they’ve been together for thousands of years.”

“Maybe I should ask Garnet about it.”

“She _is_ the fusion expert.”

Steven nodded, determined. “That’s a lot easier to talk about than the mom stuff, at least.” He said, straightening. He caught her eye and promptly deflated again, adding “yes I _know_ I have to deal with that stuff, too.”

“If you leave it too long Stevonnie will probably just have all of your uncomfortable conversations for you.” Connie put the letter down again and sighed, stretching her legs out. They’d grown a little stiff from sitting there so long. “I don’t think they’d mind, so that _is_ an option.”

“It wouldn’t be fair to make them deal with all my problems, though.” Steven’s face set into a stubborn line, which was a fairly good sign that he was going to have those conversations or possibly die trying. “I’ll…talk to Garnet first, maybe. I think I have the most to ask her.”

“Mom stuff, Peridot stuff, and fusion stuff?” Connie asked, and he nodded. “Yeah, she’s probably the best place to start.”

“…Not today, though.” He said after a moment, collapsing backwards onto the bed. “This might not be as bad as it could have been, but…”

“Talking about feelings is exhausting?” She suggested.

“ _Yeah._ ”

Connie considered that, then collapsed beside him. “I completely agree.” She shuffled into something approximating comfort, exhaling slowly. “Should we just lay here and read for the rest of the afternoon?”

Steven hummed thoughtfully. “That sounds nice, but everything I have here is something Stevonnie should have the chance to read first.” He said, hesitating. “…I could braid your hair? When Stevonnie was doing Amethyst’s yesterday I think I learned some new types. It could be fun to try it out!”

She inspected him with narrowed eyes for a moment. “…I hope you understand how hard it is to get tangles out of my hair.”

“I’ll be careful!” He promised, sitting up. The expression developing on his face was bright and happy and very difficult to say no to.

Connie rolled her eyes and rolled off of the bed in search of her bag. “Fine.” She said, speaking over his immediate cheers. “ _But_ you have to use my brush. Yours doesn’t cut it for hair like mine.” Her hair was exceptionally stubborn and wouldn’t yield to the likes of the pitiful plastic-toothed devices Steven used.

“Sure!” He agreed readily, accepting the brush from her and patting the bed beside him. “Make yourself comfy?”

She evaluated the offered space and the drawbacks of sitting cross-legged for another long stretch of time, and chose another option. Connie climbed onto the bed and collapsed face-first onto it, hair settling grumpily over her back. “I’m comfy.” She reported, hiding her grin in the covers.

Steven giggled at her. “Yeah, that works.” He said, and got to work carefully brushing her hair into order.

Later, they would have to actually take action on all of the various problems clogging up their lives. For now, though…it was enough that they’d talked about it, and had made plans.

 _Progress is progress,_ Connie thought, and finally allowed herself to relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End chapter.
> 
>  **Story notes:** I present: basically an entire chapter of people dealing with their issues. This will likely make up a majority of next chapter too. Thanks to everyone who has kudosed, bookmarked, or commented – again, I get super anxious about new stories and the feedback really helps.
> 
> Pertinent notes for people who have been reading before this latest update: I’ve changed the summary and tags around, and also stopped waffling on some of my plans. Further to the point, this story is written with my own personal Pink Diamond theory in mind – which is still wholly plausible as of season 5 episode 10. Also, because I can’t stand following canon this closely, I fully intend to make some reasonably big divergences earlier than initially planned. Like, next few chapters probably.
> 
> \---  
>  **On Gemkind:** in this chapter you can see some of my extrapolations about the social dynamics of Gems as a species. In canon, we observe: Gems are social and form social bonds, Gems are lonely without social bonds, Gems can coexist readily in large groups, Gems readily form ‘units’ with close-knit social dynamics, many Gems seem to be highly attracted to fusion and may go to unethical extents to fuse/maintain fusion, frequent fusion makes a Gem and their Fusion ‘sentimental’. This leads to the Origin Notes, which I may make a thing I do each chapter maybe. (Notes: had a lengthy discussion about the natural sociality of Gems in the comments, if you want to see more detail on why I believe canon Gems to be naturally social).
> 
>  
> 
> **Origin notes: Fusion and social dynamics in Ancient Gems**  
>  _The typical social unit of the species consists of a ‘fusion-group’ of individuals who are personally compatible enough to fuse with relative frequency, as well as their offspring. Certain pairs, trios, or greater numbers within the unit may fuse more frequently than others, or even remain fused permanently, but generally an individual will not remain in the group if they are not compatible enough to fuse with all or most of the other Gems. Non-compatible individuals will usually disperse to find another group that they synchronise better with._
> 
>  
> 
>  _Gems fuse most frequently for social purposes; to create, strengthen, and reaffirm bonds between members of the group. Fusion in battle also serves this purpose, though to a lesser extent. Reproductive fusions are usually but not always romantic and generally fuse more often and stay fused for longer than other social-type fusions. Gems experience social isolation if they do not have a social group, and a similar but separate form of isolation if they are not able to fuse with relative frequency once they are a member of a fusion-group. As with social isolation in humans, this can have significant effects on the mental and physical health of the individual, and may exacerbate existing issues._  
>  (If you have any questions about my gem evolution/physiology headcanons, please feel free to ask! Given how much of the history has been erased, you’ll only be seeing echoes of it in the story itself, and I’ve got plenty of details to share.)


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